I amazed at Ammon’s focus, that when the trials came, his
reaction was to rejoice because now He could show the power of God. I want to
have that kind of faith and strength—that kind of focus on eternity in
everything I do, even the mundane.
When I read about how the men didn’t know God and so
delighted in torturing their brethren, even to the point of getting them
killed, I am baffled by it. For some reason in my head they wanted to steal the
sheep, but that wasn’t the case. They really were just doing it to be cruel. Omar
always tells me that people are this way, but even as I read it I have to wonder
about a more complicated and less evil motive. I can’t believe that people really
are just bad. And yet, deep in the back of my mind I can remember what it was like
to live without the Spirit, without wanting the Spirit or caring about doing right,
and I remember that darkness. Not that I was ever this evil, but I suppose you could
get there after enough time and enough bad choices hardening your heart. That makes
it even sadder to me.
I was also surprised at how easily Ammon just started killing
people. In this time we struggle with whether it is ever okay to take someone’s
life. Well, I do, anyway. That would have been a difficult moment for me, I don’t
think I would have been so bold. Is that because I am a girl, or because of the
culture and expectations I live with, or is it just my questioning personality?
I do know that sometimes we need to bold. I need to rely more
on the Spirit to know when those times are and then faithfully act. I think a lot
of what made this situation what it was was Ammon’s motivation. He wasn’t acting
out of anger or fear. That is something to pay attention to in myself.
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