Alma 34:17-27

In verse 17 Amulek prays that God will grant people faith to begin to repent. I have thought a lot lately about faith as a choice, but not about faith as a gift. Is the relationship really that faith is a gift we choose to accept? When I look it up, lds.org says faith is a gift that we must then choose to nourish. I can’t really get my head around it this morning.  I haven’t read scriptures in a week now—and truthfully that often leads me to forget to pray. Not really forget, my heart is constantly drawn out to God during the day as things happen. But the conversation and seeking of morning and evening prayers is what I tend to let go when I don’t read. And the longer I go without reading, the harder it is to start again. It is really easy to be too busy or too tired. Today I am exercising my faith and doing it. I am turning to Him and reading with a prayer in my heart.

Cry unto Him for mercy, for He is mighty to save—I need His mercy and His saving. Have mercy on me in my impatience, my laziness and selfishness. Have mercy on me for my distance. He can change me, and will forgive me.

And I do need to humble myself and continue in prayer to Him. Who am I to not come to Him when he asks me to?

Again, the call to repentance on morning and evening prayers.

When Amulek says to pray for an increase of your flocks, or monetary help—sometimes I feel weird praying for increase. It is still such a hard line for me to know what is being worldly and wanting money, and what is right. I suppose it all has to do with my intent. But is wanting nice stuff bad? I really don’t know the answer to that question. But it isn’t something I really pray about. I feel like we have to take care of that ourselves, but that clearly isn’t right.

Verse 27 reminds me of our covenant to always remember Him. If our soul is truly always drawn out in prayers, we would always be remembering Him. I don’t feel like I am very good at always, but I am trying, and getting better.

Alma 34:17-27

Alma 34:15-16

There is so much doctrine in this one verse!  First, I love the testimony that Savior brings salvation to all those that believe on His name. I feel anxious and stressed this morning, and reading that was an instant shot of peace. I just need to trust Him and move forward and HE brings salvation.

I also noticed how clarifying this verse is. Many people get the saved for believing, but don’t really know the entire principle. Believing on His name gives us faith to repentance. When we believe that change is possible through Him, that we are not destined to wallow in our depravity, it gives us the faith to repent, to change, to do, and become. Believing in Him isn’t enough unless we also believe Him, and do what He told us to do and believe that we can become like Him.

It’s interesting because I was just thinking about this as I said my prayers this morning—that the Holy Ghost sanctifies us by leading us to Him and helping us know what to do, and what to do better. It isn’t some magic instant thing like sometimes the church vocabulary makes it sound to me. It’s all a process of becoming, made possible by the Savior.

I love the feeling that comes in verse 16 when Amulek describes mercy satisfying justice and encircling us in the arms of safety. Sometimes I am so tortured by my sins and guilt, and sometimes the world feels so scary and out of control. It is a beautiful reminder that we are safe with Him.

The rest of the verse talks about how those who won’t turn to the Savior and repent is exposed to the whole law of the demands of justice. Sometimes in my life I haven’t understood this, and felt like God was an angry parent, punishing us. But I have come to understand if there is no consequence for breaking the law, there is no point having the law. God’s laws help us become like Him, help us change our nature. It is a natural consequence that if we don’t do those things that we can’t become like Him and have His joy that is a result of who He is. We are then left to the pain and disconnect that comes from our own bad choices, and can only be overcome through the “great and last sacrifice” of the Savior.

So today, instead of feeling stressed I will move forward with faith. I will focus on following Him, and loving people around me. I will listen to the Holy Ghost to learn how to do that better. And I will trust that He will lead me, and change me.

Alma 34:56-16

Alma 34:14

The law had another part, and I think this is what verse 14 is talking about, the ritual part of the law. It was the ceremonial part of the law that pointed to the atonement, and it was fulfilled in the way I was confusedly thinking the other parts of the law, or the moral guidelines were fulfilled. What the ceremonial parts of the law were anticipating happened when Christ came. Now we have new rituals to help us remember instead of anticipate. I am specifically thinking of the Sacrament. But even baptism is symbolic of resurrection. Some of the temple rituals also very clearly point to remembering the Savior’s atonement. I am sure the other’s do as well, but I am still learning. It reminds me of the lesson I taught on Sunday and the article about understanding symbolism in the scriptures. The main point is, that ALL things testify of Him. That was really eye opening to me. I guess what the scripture tells me is that all things always have testified of Him—including what happens in the Old Testament. I need to be better about seeking Christ in the scriptures. He is always the point of everything.

Alma 34:14

Alma 34:13

The law of Moses before the coming of Christ and then not after is still a confusing point to me. I know He fulfilled the law, and it all pointed to His coming, but what Him fulfilling the law actually means I don’t understand. I can’t think of another context to compare it to that helps, either.

So, I paused here, and have done more research. The problem comes from thinking about it with the wrong definition of fulfill. Thisarticle, helped clarify more than anything else I found. The Law of Moses was leading to a higher law, where we are changed to not desire sin. No hatred, not murder, no lust, no adultery. By giving us the higher law, the requirements of the lower remain, that is why they haven’t passed away, but the higher law encompasses them. They have become part of something larger and greater. As we keep Christ’s higher law, we naturally keep the lower law because those sins can’t exist within the higher law. I really hope this makes sense to myself later. Whew!

Alma 34:13

Alma 34:11-12

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around Amulek’s explanation of why the atonement had to be infinite. In his example you can’t kill a murderer’s brother to pay for his sin—the law requires that you suffer your own consequences. Why does an infinite atonement relate? The only thing I can think it that it allows the same mercy for every sinner. Okay, now this is making sense. Every person who has sinned can turn to the same redemption—it is only just mercy if it is available to every criminal.

Alma 34:11-12

Alma 34:6-10

It feels important that Amulek reviews the words of the prophets, and then bears his own testimony of the son of God. My witness, born of by the power of the Holy Ghost is prophecy, too.  And he even repeats the plan that he knows, and the details that he knows. I feel impressed that it is important to testify of our own truth boldly and patiently. Patiently seems funny, but I mean, not just rushing through it, not being afraid to repeat what has been said before—but just following the Holy Ghost without being in a hurry. And then the real power comes from the Holy Ghost testifying in the listeners’ hearts. It doesn't matter if they have heard it before, it matters that they hear it when they are ready to feel the Spirit testify about it—which could be in a year, or five seconds after they heard it the first time.

Amulek says all are hardened and fallen and lost and can only be saved through the atonement. I need to remember that I am still hardened, and fallen, and lost—it isn't just the state I was in before accepting the gospel, it is where I am now. Dependent on His atonement to daily save me from myself. To me, this morning, hardened is my pride, which I am constantly made more aware of in new ways. And fallen is my selfishness, and laziness, and fear—all the things that keep me from being like God. And lost is when I am trying to do things on my own, instead of following Him. Lost is when I don’t always remember Him, but get busy in the day going about life. Lost is when I don’t know what is right, and can’t know what is right without Divine intervention. I am hard, and lost, and fallen, and would perish without His atoning sacrifice. I am daily dependent on the mercy of my Savior. And I am so grateful to know that it is daily and constantly available. His hand is stretched out still.

Alma 34:6-10

Alma 34 verses 2-5

Amulek says that what the people wanted from Alma was what they should do because of their afflictions. Their afflictions were people being unkind to them, and not associating with them because of their poverty—and also not allowing them to worship in the way they thought they were supposed to. They really came with the questions about what to do about not being allowed in the synagogues. But it was the wrong question. Amulek says the answer Alma gave them was to exhort them to faith and patience, and specifically faith to plant the word in their hearts and experiment to see if it was good. In simpler terms, he told them to learn the gospel and live it, then have patience.

I think sometimes we want the answer to be more complicated when we have afflictions. We want some miraculous deliverance—but, as Amulek said, we already know where to look for miraculous deliverance. We look beyond the mark, which is always the Savior. If we have faith, live the gospel, and are patience, we know that the miracle is already ours. That is what He already did for us. The Savior is always the answer to our afflictions. He has already saved us.

It’s like my experience with the temple. For a long time I tried to look for complicated symbolism there. Trying to uncover some deep hidden doctrine that I didn't already know that was found only there. Then somewhere I read or heard to look for the Savior in the temple, and the experience was transformed for me. It wasn't anything new that I was learning, but I understood Him in deeper ways, and felt His love more clearly. I was looking beyond the mark, but the answer is always know Him, and love Him, and follow Him.

In verse 5 Amulek states the questions the people has is really whether or not Jesus is the Son of God and the Savior, he calls it whether the word be in the Son of God, or if there is no Christ. I think about this a lot when people are questioning their testimonies and leaving the church and becoming agnostic. I think it is often really easy for people to get caught in specific details, but forget that they are also giving up the simple beauty of His salvation. 

When someone I love was struggling, as we talked he was getting deeper and farther away from God because of his afflictions, and things he couldn't explain. As I prayed to know how to help him, I was inspired to ask him if that meant that he also didn't believe that Jesus had died for him and saved him. And that put a break on the downward spiral we had been in to that point. He couldn't just dismiss it, and it gave him something to hold onto.

Really, when I think about it, when we take the Sacrament what we promise is to always remember Him and keep His commandments. It isn't “always remember” anything else, just Him. Everything is focused on Him—and everything else falls away. If we can really keep that focus, with patient faith, all is really well.

Alma 34 verses 2-5

Alma 34 verse 1

In the first verse Alma sits down on the ground and gives times to Amulek to speak. It is good leadership, and, I recognize, hard for me, to trust others to teach and fulfill their assignments. Alma had been teaching Amulek in his home for a while now. I wonder if he partly did it to allow Amulek to grow in the gospel, and take the next step from believing to knowing and testifying. But he also must have been following the Spirit, because it ends up being really important to the audience to hear Amulek speak. So there are three lessons there:

1. follow the Spirit
2. trust others to do their part
3. the power of multiple witnesses.

I’m thinking about family night, and how Omar and I need to do better at working together to testify of truth to our children. I need to listen for the Spirit to tell me when it is his turn to teach, and not try to do it all alone. These three principles could really make a difference for our family and the power of our gospel teaching.

And then from Amulek’s side, wouldn’t it be intimidating to be asked to speak in a meeting following the actual prophet. But he did, and he testified of truth. And because what He said was true, the people could feel the Spirit testify of what he was saying. There is a lesson there for me, too, about trusting God to magnify my efforts, and get my pride out of the way. If I am doing what He wants, I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anyone else, even if it is the prophet. His way is right, and it isn’t about me. That is often really difficult. I want things to be all or nothing, black and white, but often for me, and I am sure everyone else, my intentions are both a mix of holy and pride. It is hard for me to get my pride out of the way. (It reminds me of my experience singing One Sheep in Ridgecrest. There was no pride left when it was awful because I was crying, but He made it something great through His Spirit. And I was so grateful for that experience, but it was really hard too, because of my pride.)

I find the Savior in this verse as well. Alma sat down, and allowed Amulek to teach—and it was powerful for Amulek and those that listened. In the same way, the Savior gives us, gives me, opportunities to help in His work. God, is all powerful, and could do anything in this world that He needs to have done. He doesn’t need us to serve each other because He needs our help, but because He wants to help us by teaching us to love and teach and serve each other. It’s like letting my kids do chores. Some families really need the help, but we only have two kids, and I don’t work—and I do a better job myself. Sometimes letting them help is slower and harder. But I want them to grow from it. Alma didn’t stick Amulek out there to preach until he had thoroughly taught him the gospel. But then he let him do the work. I need to be careful about both of those things. Making sure I am thoroughly teaching them what they need to know before I expect them to do it, but then also trusting them to do what they know and can do.

But it’s not just about them. It’s also making sure that I am trustworthy when the Lord gives me opportunities to help. That I open my mouth when he asks me to, that I stand up when it’s time, and press forward when it’s hard. I need to love and serve even when it is hard to want to do either of those things. This wasn’t a comfortable situation for Amulek, but on his cue, he stood and began to teach anyway. I need to be better about always remembering Him—and always serving anyway. My life is His, and I want it to not be about my pride and selfishness.

This was all from Alma chapter 34 verse 1. The lesson I am teaching in Sunday School this week is about the temple. One of the symbols in this section of the old testament is Ezekiel repeatedly wading into the river that flows from the temple , and it gets deeper each time. It is amazing what God can teach me, by the Spirit, in a few words in one short verse. His wisdom and power truly are infinite!

Alma 34 verse 1

Alma 33

As I read the words of Zenos praising god for His mercy because He hears his prayers even in the wilderness, I realize that there are a lot of things I take for granted. I know God always hears our prayers, but I don’t realize how great an act of mercy and love it is, that He allows us to always and anywhere pray. I am not very good and praise and gratitude. And as he goes on about how it is possible because of the Savior, I realize how little thought and gratitude I give that. I know that I rely on Christ for my salvation, but I tend to forget to be grateful for how the atonement blesses me in allowing me to approach God through His grace.

The staff of Moses saving people in the wilderness reminds me of when we read about Naman the other night, and how he thought it was too easy to be healed by bathing in the Jordan river. I think lots of times we do the same thing, we want to go to church and hear something amazing and new about how to be healed, but it really is the answers we’ve been told all along, that are simple but so important. Pray, read the scriptures, go to church, love people, and repent, that really is the simple way that leads to eternal life. If we would just do it!

Alma 33

Alma 32 v. 21-43

When I was reading with Helaman last night Alma was talking to his sons at the end of his life, and told Corianton that what he was going to tell him about the resurrection he knew because an angel had told him. The thought that came to me, I think as a memory, was that once an angel has told a prophet and he has recorded it for us, we don’t need an angel to tell us individually because we can learn it from him. I think sometimes it is hard for me to learn that way—to hear it from others instead of learning it for myself. But as I have started this new calling I felt promptings repeatedly that I am supposed to be humble enough to learn that way from Debb, as her counselor in the r.s. presidency. I can feel myself tugging internally, one way to learn and listen, and one way to be prideful and not want to be told things. I pray that I can be humble enough to choose to listen. I know I will need His help.

I realize it is a good litmus test to know if something is true, by the Holy Ghost, no matter it’s source. If you don’t immediately dismiss an idea, but give it a chance, and it enlarges your soul, enlightens your understanding, and is delicious, which I am guessing means you feel joyful because that is how I feel about delicious food, then you know it is a “good seed” or truth. If it feels dark and contentious, then not so.  A little bit later he says enlarges your mind, instead of soul. That seems like an interesting connection.

A lot of times, I feel like that is all I do with good ideas, is figure out if they are good or not and then forget about them. I don’t nourish the tree, or act on those things and keep learning and working at them. I love the feeling of discovery, and really struggle to endure. I pray that in realizing this, I can notice when it is happening and do better when it is something He wants me to do.

This applies to so many things that we learn, if we don’t practice and use those things we lose them, like hiding our talents. Like piano or Spanish or writing. Sometimes I start to think that there are different rules for the spiritual world. I forget how integrated all of life really is and get lost in lists and vocabulary. And this is another way that all things testify of Him and teach of us His love and plan for us.

Alma 32:21-43

Alma 32 v. 1-20

We don’t kick people out of church for looking dirty and poor, but I suspect sometimes we want to. Something to be aware of.

Alma knew the people were truly humbled because they came and asked what to do. They were ready to act. I have been thinking about that every since the lesson on prayer a few weeks ago, where effective prayers requires a willingness to act. The people didn’t just come and say, what do you think about poor people, it wasn’t just curiosity, they wanted to worship God and wanted to know how.

When the scriptures describe these people as poor in heart, and humbled, I am sure they were feeling really bad about the situation. They didn’t even seem to be mad, but just depressed about it. How many times when life is going wrong (like being cast out of the synagogue for these people) and it feels so terrible, is it really, as Alma said, a blessing?

Alma 32:1-20

Alma 31

Reading about Alma’s sorrow because of the wickedness of his people gives me an idea of the weight of increased responsibility in the church. As the Beehive advisor, my realm of responsibility is relatively small, but I feel so sad when they are making choices that I know will hurt them. I have felt how when the Lord calls you to serve people he changes how you feel about them. With all the other responsibility that comes with leadership callings, I bet that sorrow is heavy to bear.

When I was in college verse 5 really struck me, that the preaching of the word had a greater tendency to get people to do what is right than punishment. I am always excited to find that scripture again, and to be reminded. It feels important to me as a mother, to teach rather than punish; another thing that would be greatly helped by not getting angry.

In the Zoramites apostasy, it was not wanting to keep the commandments that led them astray. In my own life, I have seen a tendency to want to change my beliefs to what I wanted to do, instead of giving my will to God and changing what I want to do to what he wants. I have been reading a book the last few days that had some really immoral parts. I kept feeling like I should stop, but the story was interesting, so I kept justifying that it was okay to keep reading it. As I read this passage, and realize what it means I am so grateful I finally returned it this morning.

The other thing that led them astray was not praying daily. I don’t know why it is so easy for me to fall into this category, but I am grateful for this reminder and warning.

Here again, Satan’s trick is to lead them away from Christ. They would say they still believe in God, but not Christ. I feel like it is so important to keep our focus on Him. Even know Satan uses the same traps and tricks. The world believes that you don’t need Christ to have a relationship with divinity, and that a vague idea of God is enough. And even, as the Zormaites are saying here, that a belief in Christ takes us away from God—that Christians are somehow less holy. It is the same trick again. And it is a good trick. It doesn’t matter what else we believe, if we don’t come unto Christ, and participate in His atonement, we are lost.
The Rameumptom is such a crazy idea, the holy stand to get up on and talk to God. But when I think about how it applies to my life, I wonder if my pride, specifically when I think I am more righteous than other people, isn’t that stand anyway. Sometimes we lift ourselves up in our hearts and thank God that we are more holy. Is that any different? I am very prideful, and it is hard sometimes for me to be humble and remember that we are all beggars before God.

Would Alma be sad about our hearts being set upon the things of the world? That is such a hard thing for me.

This is such a beautiful prayer: “O Lord, my heart is exceedingly sorrowful; wilt thou comfort my soul in Christ. O Lord, wilt thou grant unto me that I may have strength, that I may suffer with patience these afflictions which shall come upon me,”, it speaks to my soul like poetry, and it feels like truth. And the answer to the prayer is beautiful to: And the Lord provided for them that they should hunger not, neither should they thirst; yea, and he also gave them strength, that they should suffer no manner of afflictions, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ. Where true peace and joy is found.

Alma 31

Alma 30

Sometimes the idea of an anti-Christ seems so foreign and complicated. But really, it was preaching against the coming or divinity of Christ. It feels like, really, a lot of the world is anti-Christ right now. And that is very sad.

First trick of anti-Christ, call believing foolish and try to make you feel dumb for being traditional.

Second trick, ask for proof.

Third trick, call believers crazy (fanatics).

Then, after making you feel dumb and foolish, get you on their side by telling you it’s not your fault, you were deceived (by your parents, by the church….)

Next he gets into moral relativism and no absolute right and wrong, and what you get in this life you get by your hard work (pride vs. gratitude and acknowledging God in all things).

Another lie, when you die that is all there is—so why worry about being good. Enjoy it while you’ve got it.

I appreciate that many women, and men, were committing whoredomes, and that for God it isn’t just the women, but when men do it, it is abominable, too.

I love that the answer is why do you interrupt their rejoicings. I feel like a lot of time that is what people forget when they are choosing whether or not to be believers. They let Satan deceive them and then they miss out on the rejoicing and the peace and love that comes with the gospel. And when people fight against other people believing, that is what I always think… why do you want to take away their peace and faith? Let them rejoice.

And then comes another lie of Satan in verse 23, that obedience to the commandments brings us down and doesn’t lift up our heads, puts us into bondage and lets people have power of us. When in reality, the opposite is true.

And then Satan does what he does and twists the truth about the fall saying we teach we are guilty because of Adam’s fall, when in reality we teach we are guilty for own sins and the fall gave us the chance to choose to sin or not.

And let’s not leave out the dichotomy of how could you know the will of God to tell people what to do, and also there is no God.

It is also interesting to me that he had to make up a reason why the leaders would lead the people away, saying it was so they could live rich off of them, even though it was completely untrue—they worked for their own living. I have noticed this a lot in politics and at school, and in social policy arguments lately, that people say things that are totally untrue, and people just believe them without knowing the facts. It allows the argument to be completely skewed.

It is beautiful that the strength of Alma’s conviction prevents him from feeling foolish or even being caught into argument about the gospel. He just knows—and lives his life in such a way that the Holy Ghost can constantly reveal the truth of God to him through every piece of the world and his life.

As I read I also appreciate for the first time that Alma was not contentious with Korihor. He kept talking to him, and didn’t withhold any part of the truth, even that it was better to lose his soul than a bunch of people’s, but he just said it like it was, with no malice or fighting. There are a lot of situations lately, where I have been trying to just calmly talk about what I thought was true instead of getting worked up and emotional. I think I am learning that is the Lord’s way—and he is line upon line teaching me how to school my emotions while still standing for the right. I have a long way to go, but I can see that it is so much better.

The part where Korihor talks about an angel coming to him to tell him there is not God always seems so silly to me. Where do angels come from then? But when I think about it, a lot of the worldly stuff I hear makes this little sense. And it really doesn’t matter if it makes sense, people believe what they want and what they are ready for. Arguing won’t change a heart that doesn’t want to hear.

The thus we see from this chapter has always stuck out to me. The devil will not support his children, but speedily drags them down to hell. He was only ever using Korihor, and once he had lost his usefulness he was on his own. And that is how it will always be.

Alma 30

Alma 29

Alma is talking to me this morning, about doing the best I can where I am at, instead of wishing I could be in charge of everything. The Lord has given me a call and a responsibility, and to honor him, and trust him, it is my job to fulfill what he wants me to do, not what I want to do. This is a recurring message for me the last two days. This is what I got out of the Sunday School lesson about Eli and his sons yesterday as well. To honor the Lord is to worry about what he wants, not what I want or what other people want. I forget to let that guide me in everything I do… stuff at school, and with my family and friends. I read a quote recently about our goal should be to be completely let by the Holy Ghost in every moment of our life. At the time, my pride rebelled against it, but today I see that in order to be always doing the Father’s will, we have to know what it is all the time. And the Holy Ghost is the way we can know that.

I feel like in some things I have forged ahead without finding out if what I am doing is the right thing, or is His will for me. I am grateful that he is merciful and that even if I find myself in a mess I created by not listening, he still loves me and will help as soon as I will truly listen. I pray to be humble enough to be worthy of that help without having to learn to be humble by suffering through consequences. But I know that whatever happens, as long as I am trusting him, that it will be what needs to happen for my growth.

Alma 29

Alma 28

When the Nephites gave their land to the people of Ammon they immediately were attacked by the Lamenites, and, although they won, suffered huge losses. Yet in their great mourning, they didn’t become angry at the Ammonites. I am again so impressed with their humility and faith. And in their doing the right thing, not for outcomes but for righteousness sake. It is also a sign of their faith that there time of sorrow was a time of fasting and prayer. I think they were able to not be angry because they turned to God in their troubles, instead of away from Him.

Mormon says here that he inequality of man is because of sin and transgression. What he was focusing on, though, was not what we usually look at in terms of inequality, but in peace in trials. The inequality of those who had lost loved ones that mourned that they were lost forever, compared to those who lost loved ones and missed them, but looked forward with hope. I still get so worked up. Especially in the last few days, not reading scriptures, it has been so easy to turn away from my goal of never getting angry. I am still doing better than I was before, but it gets harder the longer I go without giving the Lord this time to talk to me.

At school right now the administration is making changes that I feel are really detrimental to the kids at the school. My instinct is always to get angry and fight. How do I affect change without fighting? Or fight without anger, maybe? How do I hold on to that peace in my heart when things are not right? I guess the answer in the same, trust the Lord in the long game, do what you can and then move forward with faith that all will be well. It is that trust in Him that brings peace.

Alma 28

Alma 27

The people of the Amalekites got angry about their loss, which loss was a consequence of their sin in the first place. I guess that is sometimes what makes it hard to kick against the pricks. I feel like it is a good way to check myself spiritually—whether or not I am angry about life, and angry about consequences of my choices. My prayer is still to never be angry, to bury my weapons and not take them up again.

When the people of Ammon first refused to fight, the Lamenites stopped trying to kill them, and I am sure they believed it was a blessing from God for their willingness to keep that covenant. It would have been hard, when the Lamenites came back, to still keep having faith in the face of that disappointment. It shows that their obedience wasn’t about a deal with God—it was just true humble obedience, and it didn’t depend on what happened. Their hearts really were changed. When I try to be more obedient, is it because I am hoping for an outcome, or am I just giving my will to God?

It is interesting to me that the king wanted to go be slaves to the Lamenites to make up for all the past wrong doing. Sometimes when people join the church, or change their lives, but don’t completely understand all the pieces, it is so easy to judge, or feel superior. And yet if you look at the whole picture they are truly converted, but still learning. It is important to remember that none of us our perfect, it is the trying and the staying in the covenant that matters. It is so easy to judge each other.

For some reason Ammon passing out with joy all the time makes me laugh. He really knew how to lean into those feelings and not hold anything back. It would be really difficult for me to get to that point.

I have always been impressed with the Nephites being willing to give up the last Jershon to the people of Ammon. It would be really hard for me, I think for any of us, to walk away from our property and give it to someone else, because we think of it as ours and not the Lord’s that we have stewardship over. This gives me a glimpse into the law of consecration and how beautiful that could really be. I feel like I have a long way to go to be so unselfish. I want to be like this. I pray that the Lord will help me remember in the moments where I have the choice to be selfish or not, who I really want to be in the end.

In context of a war that is not your own, I think there are a couple of important points here. The Nephites were helping people who wanted their help, and had asked for it, and the people who they were helping to defend themselves helped as much as they could by supporting the army. American politics are so complicated, but I feel like if those two things were part of our compassionate war philosophy it would go a long way to improving the outcomes.

“…and they never did look upon death with any degree of terror, for their hope and views of Christ and the resurrection; therefore, death was swallowed up to them by the victory of Christ over it.”  That is how faith casts out fear. And really, even to everything bad that others can do to you in life, I don’t have to fear it, I can let it be swallowed up by the victory of Christ over it, because he has truly overcome all things. I can just trust him and move forward.

Alma 27

Alma 26

There are all kinds of excitement and happiness in the world. Lots of things make us feel that way. But it is a testimony of God’s reality that there really is no joy that compares to doing good, to helping Him accomplish His work. God really does want us to become like Him so that we can have the joy that He does—and that joy comes from working on and loving the things He does.

I love how the gospel changes everything. How the converted Lamenites were the people who Ammon and his brethren loved so much, and they loved them back. And yet, without the gospel they were enemies. If we had more faith, would our political enemies become beloved friends by the preaching of the gospel? I suppose, the Lamenites and Nephites had been at war for so many years at this point, it had to be at the right time with the right people to work. When I think about my sons going on missions in a few years, and how that could be the right time for missions in enemy territory, I pray to have the faith to trust them to the Lord. I know they are His, and I know faith is the opposite of fear. But, oh, how I struggle with fear.

I love the phrase “matchless bounty of his love.”

It also speaks to me when Ammon is talking about the amazing mercy of the Lord, when they had been taught the truth, and fought against it, yet he was merciful anyway. That is how I feel about mistakes of years past, and mistakes of today. I am so grateful for the atonement, and the ability to repent and start again—to change and grow instead of being lost forever in our mistakes. I am so dependent on His mercy, and grateful for his unending love and patience. Who am I to not forgive, or to get angry, when I, in every moment rely on his patience and forgiveness? I feel his sorrow when I sin, and I am so sorry for the pain I cause him, and grateful for the love he extends anyway, never wavering.

I am in awe of the love these missionaries had for the Lord, that they demonstrated by what they were willing to suffer and keep working. I really need to work on the enduring aspect of obedience. Of life, really.

I wonder how Ammon was speaking through all this. Was he jumping around and gesticulating, or speaking through his tears? You can really feel the joy in what he wrote, or said—I wonder what it looked like in his personality.

Alma 26

Alma 25

More about anger in this chapter. The Lamenites couldn’t handle killing the people not fighting back, so they turned their anger to the Nephites instead. Why does anger work that way? It’s like a fire that keeps looking for fuel. So often who I lash out isn’t even who I am angry at originally. And it is so hard to stop being worked up once you let yourself get there. You feel like you have to find an outlet, someone to take it out on. When I think about it, I am so aware of the inherent evil in anger.

The wicked Nephite dissenters then start killing Lamenites who are converting. It seems like a good test for the righteousness of a cause—or at least for the righteousness of your feelings about something. When you can’t handle people not agreeing with you, when you want to take away people’s right to choose, and when you are making decision that are angry and violent, it is a good sign you are not in the right place. I think so many times Satan can trick us into believing we are doing good by doing bad, but those feelings never come from God. It is a good litmus test.

It was a long time from the time Abinidi made his prophecies until they were fulfilled. Long enough that if you were not looking for it, you wouldn’t remember that was what was happening. It’s another reason it is important to have continuing revelation, both personal, and through prophets. Life is tricky and to discern the truth, especially over a long period of time, which often seems to be God’s timetable, you have to have a longer, eternal, God-like view.

It strikes me as an important point of true conversion that as soon as the people who were trying to kill them repented and stopped, they were welcomed into the land of Ishmael, and among the people of the church they were just trying to kill. It takes a lot of faith and love to so readily forgive so completely.

Part of the strength of their faith was remembering the meaning and symbolism of the ordinances, using them to point to Christ and always remember Him. It is the same now. If we just keep the commandments and do the “church stuff, ” even including obedience, without remembering it all points to him, we lose that strength that comes from the church. It isn’t the Law of Moses for us anymore, but the concept is the same. It is also the same that the ordinances and the obedience and all the details don’t save us, only Christ does. It is important to remember the difference. What can I do to better remember, instead of just getting into habits and doing things without really thinking about what I am doing, or how they are pointing to Him? I am so grateful for this little bit of understanding. I’ve always smugly though the Law of Moses parts of these chapters don’t apply to us today, but I can see so clearly now how much they really do. These verses suddenly feel so important, and I am so  grateful!

When I think about the joy of those missionaries to the Lamenites must have had in changing the course of an entire nation, and really the history of the world, I feel so happy for them, in a heart swelling choked up kind of way.

Alma 25

Alma 24

How had the people’s conversion been so complete that they were not even willing to be violent to defend themselves. I have just been sitting here thinking about how selfish my anger always is. How do I convert, or change, the way these people did, and in such a short amount of time! As I read the king’s words to his people, I feel like the answer is gratitude. He really understood, and always remembered how merciful God was in forgiving them, and teaching them the gospel and helping them to change. What did he do to keep these things so real to him, and so close to his heart? Was it how hard they had to work to repent? It wasn’t a half hearted affair—he said it was all they could do. Is that my attitude about repenting for my anger?

The comparison seems like, sometimes I think it is justified to get angry—like it is an okay response in certain situations. Burying my sword would be never reacting with anger, no matter what happens. Just like it would be justified for the Anti-Nephi-Lehis to defend themselves, but they buried the weapons because they did not want to go back to what they had worked so hard to overcome. I have to just never respond with anger, even in a circumstance when it would be okay or reasonable for another person to do it. And in order to make that change, it really would be all I can do, and would require me constantly remembering God and pleading for His help. Until, with his help, I was changed and it wasn’t a constant struggle—but part of who I am. That is what really repenting of my anger would look like. 

Alma 24

Alma 23

A big personal message I got out of conference was how we can’t compartmentalize our lives. If we are believers, we have to always do and say and act like believers, including sharing our beliefs. That is a hard thing for me. When I read about King Lamoni making a proclamation about the unfettered preaching of the gospel, it makes me feel uncomfortable because I am so used to the worldly idea that you have to separate yourself and not use your power to help spread the gospel. But he was really and truly all in, with all parts of himself. I want to say it’s also different because he was a dictator, so he got to dictate things anyway, might as well be good things. But is it different? I guess he was just making things more free, it wasn’t like he ordered people to convert, his order was really about stopping people from inhibiting freedom.

In the world now, scientists tend to act like change is bad. Like if the Lamenites gave up their cultures and traditions to embrace those of the Nephites, that would be a bad thing. I am grateful to believe there is absolute truth-- and to know that more truth is always better.

I have just recently begun to appreciate that recognizing truth and having the power to change our hearts is God working miracles in us. I am humbled and grateful to recognize that it has always been Him, and none of is it me, except for choosing to allow Him to work in me.

What made the Lamenites able to never fall away was laying down their weapons of rebellion. What are my weapons of rebellion that I continue to hold on to? Laziness? Pride? It’s always pride, isn’t it?

Alma 23

Alma 22

I wonder how much time had passed between Ammon’s encounter with the king and when Aaron got there. How long had the king been thinking about Ammon’s generosity, as he put it. It’s interesting how loving people makes all the difference, even in the hardest cases. The king literally tried to kill Ammon, and destroy every good thing he had just worked so hard for, and even in that moment Ammon was able to respond with love. On the other hand, he didn’t let the king overpower him or Lamoni. He maintained his boundaries, but was no more separating that was right or necessary.  I think that is hard to do in my life: To set the boundary and then love right up to it. But that is what we are supposed to do, and it is what softened the king’s heart.

Whatever the king’s faults up to this point, when he says if thou sayest there is a God I will believe it is an amazing declaration of trust and faith. It’s that kind of doubtlessness that is so difficult for me. What allows him to do that? Is it just a choice he makes, or a spiritual gift he has?

When Aaron saw that the king we would believe, then he told him the whole gospel plan. How is this important for missionary work? I suppose it means it is okay, and right, to have conversations with just little pieces of truth, instead of thinking it needs to be the whole big shebang.

Today as I was listening to A&G as I took the kids to school, I was thinking about capitalism, and taking care of the poor, and having everything equal like they talk about in the Book of Mormon. There is a morality to working hard and doing all you can for yourself, but I know there is a balance with sharing your blessings and not worrying that you “deserve” more but worrying about what people need. And I do believe that it has to be a choice to share, and there is balance. It is hard for me to get my head around, and always has been. What things is it okay for us to have—a nice house, or just adequate shelter. If I had a cheaper house I could help more people with the money I saved. Is it okay to buy decorations, or eat out, or even nice food. As I read King Lamoni’s response I think it is about my heart. I think it is okay to have things, but I can’t love them more than people. So if there was ever a time the Spirit told me to help someone, or to give up something that we have, I would be willing and happy to do it. The Lord didn’t ask the king to give up half his kingdom for salvation—but he does ask for our heart. That is what the king was really offering when he said it, wholly and completely, with nothing help back. That is what I need to feel and work on with my material things, with my everything. I need to get to the point where there is no time or talent or possession I wouldn’t gratefully give to help Him in His work.

I wonder why when the Lord was working with the people at this time they kept passing out, Alma the younger, King Lamoni and his wife, now the king. Was it something in their culture that made this a more meaningful way of learning? Or was it to increase the faith of those around them?

Why were the servants afraid of Aaron? Had they felt the Spirit and knew God was with him? Would the queen and the whole house have listened and been converted without the drama first?

Why did Mormon launch into the geography of the land in the middle of his story? Did he just realize he had left it out? It strikes me that there is a lot to learn from the way the Nephites defended themselves by keeping there enemy on one side of them and creating one small defensible border between them. For example, in our homes, we keep Satan out and then closely monitor the few places he could potentially enter, like the tv and internet. 

Alma 22