Alma 39:10-19

I wonder how young Corianton was. I still feel like I need to counsel my younger brothers and sisters, but they are not really that young any more. But it makes me think of this quote I found when studying yesterday:

“The invitation to repent is an expression of love. … If we do not invite others to change or if we do not demand repentance of ourselves, we fail in a fundamental duty we owe to one another and to ourselves. A permissive parent, an indulgent friend, a fearful Church leader are in reality more concerned about themselves than the welfare and happiness of those they could help. Yes, the call to repentance is at times regarded as intolerant or offensive and may even be resented, but guided by the Spirit, it is in reality an act of genuine caring” (The Divine Gift of Repentance).

So I guess, we all have experiences and insight that could help the people around us that we love. Sometimes it is because we have lived longer, but not even always. And Nephi kept counseling his older brothers all the way until he had to flee for his life. It must be more about following the spirit, so it was the right council at the right time in the right way. Otherwise I am just being a busy body.

When I think about the times I have been making really bad decisions in my life, or even just the times I haven’t been doing the things that keep me close to the Spirit, I worry that part of the consequences of my choices is what Alma talks about here, how Corianton’s example made it so that people didn’t listen to the gospel. Part of the burden of sin is not only the bad you did, but the good you could have done and didn’t. That is one thing that makes me really appreciate the atonement. There is no way I can go back and fix being a bad example, or missing opportunities to serve because I wasn’t listening to the Spirit. And even though it is unfixable, I can still be forgiven because of the infinite atonement of Jesus Christ. His grace is sufficient to make up for all of that. And his goodness is so great that all that good that was missed can be made up for in the end—no one will be condemned because of my bad example.

It would require a lot of humility for Corianton to go back and acknowledge what he had done wrong. Again, it speaks highly of who he was, despite his mistakes, that he really did repent and do the hard work it took to be right again.

I love verse 14, too. Seek not after riches or the vain things of the world. It is such a simple reminder, but it is so easy to forget and get caught up in the chase. It has been easy for me lately, to forget what I really care about and want to spend my time and resources on. Making my house comfortable and welcoming for my family is a good goal, and it is okay to want it to be nice, but it is easy for me to get consumed with wanting things, not necessarily for any good goal type reasons. That is probably why it is so important to read scriptures and nourish your soul all the time, to remember where you want your focus to be, and to take the time to refocus it there.

I have felt like the better off our family becomes financially, the more challenging this has been for me. I am grateful that Omar’s career has been able to bless our family so much, but I feel like I get stingier as we get “richer.” Not that we are rich by any means, only compared to our younger selves. But it used to be easier to give away the little that we had. Now I really have to overcome myself. Maybe because it never seemed possible to have nice things before, and now it does. This is something that has been a struggle in my heart lately. At tithing settlement yesterday Bishop talked to us about fast offering, and I felt very grateful that I had been prompted to start giving more. I felt like Heavenly Father was telling me that it was a good start to not being selfish, and that specific blessings had come to our family lately because of it.

I am so grateful for God’s tender mercy and gentle love. He gently prompts us to do better, and rewards us when we do. He is so good and so kind. I need to parent with more gentleness and more kindness and focusing on the good things they do.

We also talked at tithing settlement about how the things we are being asked to do now are to protect our grandchildren and future generations. When Alma told his son their ministry was to teach people so they could prepare their children to hear the words of Christ, that is what it reminded me of. The idea of preparing and protecting future generations feels very powerful to me right now. I felt the Spirit in that meeting yesterday, and know that what he was telling us was true. I am trying to prepare my sons to be fathers who will teach their children the gospel and lead their home in righteousness to Him. What an amazing idea. That is what needs to be the focus of what I do. Not fancy things or a bigger house. I am grateful for the reminder!

Alma 39:10-19

Alma 39:7-9

I have experienced the Holy Ghost harrowing up my sins for my own good, and I know that is a miserable experience, but even in the midst of it, I knew it was for my own good. Maybe that is because I am at the point in my life where I really want to be better and do things right. I want the correction, even though it is miserable and difficult and hard. But I am grateful for the prompting that understanding, that I have no more desire to sin. Sometimes I am only aware of my imperfections, and they are many. But I feel like maybe I am going in the right direction, on the right path at least.

The idea that some sins are more serious than others is a difficult one because God cannot look any sin with the least degree of allowance. I think sometimes when we teach about some sins being more serious we miss the point that any sin keeps us from the presence of God. We are all sinners and all dependent on the mercy of Christ. So what does it really mean that some sins are more serious? I think it must have to do with the difficulty of repenting and changing. There must be some things that harden our hearts more than others. If that is why, though, then why is sexual sin worse? How is it like murder? Maybe it comes down to treating people as less than people? The seminary manual defines abomination as something that is awful to the Lord. Does that add insight?

I tried to look up a definition for cross yourself that fit with this scripture, but I couldn’t find one. The only information I could find that defined it as self-control was the fact that the footnote links to that topic in the topical guide. My thought was that it relates to taking up our cross to follow Christ (Matt. 16:24). But I don’t really have a good sense of what that means either. I appreciated the clarification I found here:

Let him deny himself, and take up his cross.—Our common thoughts of “self-denial,” i.e., the denial to ourselves of some pleasure or profit, fall far short of the meaning of the Greek. The man is to deny his whole self, all his natural motives and impulses, so far as they come into conflict with the claims of Christ.

It is about the death of the natural man, and become a new person in Christ. I love that bit of understanding!

Alma 39:7-9

Alma 39:5-6

This is where the doctrine about the grievousness of sexual sin comes from. Second only to murder or denying the Holy Ghost. This is such a complicated verse. 

It is confusing and complicated to get into what denying the Holy Ghost means, and Alma, or maybe Mormon in his abbreviation, really doesn’t. At least not the way it has been explained to me since then. It sounds like Alma says if you have ever felt the Holy Ghost about something, and then do the opposite knowingly, that is the very worst thing you can do. I guess the trick comes in the knowing that it is the Holy Ghost you are denying, not just going on faith or belief. But many fall away from the church, or even become atheist, or agnostic, and then repent and come back. So that can’t be denying the Holy Ghost, because that is supposed to be the unpardonable sin. The trick lies in what is “knowledge”.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught the following about the unpardonable sin: “What must a man do to commit the unpardonable sin? He must receive the Holy Ghost, have the heavens opened unto him, and know God, and then sin against him. After a man has sinned against the Holy Ghost, there is no repentance for him. He has got to say that the sun does not shine while he sees it; he has got to deny Jesus Christ when the heavens have been opened unto him, and to deny the plan of salvation with his eyes open to the truth of it” (in History of the Church, 6:314).

That quote seems to align more with what I have always been taught about it being such a sure knowledge that very few people even could sin against the Holy Ghost because very few people will ever know that surely.

When I look this up, I find that it is not a solely Mormon belief that this is the unpardonable sin. I actually really like this description found here:

“Yes, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, is any sin that a person clings to by continually resisting the convicting power of the Holy Spirit. Keep in mind that there is not one specific sin that is unforgivable, such as lying, stealing or murder, but rather a perpetual hardening of the heart and willfully sinning against God and man (1 Timothy 4:2; Titus 1:15). In Acts 7:51 Stephen says the following to the Pharisees, "You stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit; as your fathers did, so do you.” In a nutshell the unforgivable, or unpardonable, sin is any sin that a person doesn’t want to give up, confess, or even ask forgiveness for and additionally doesn’t want to hear any more about it from the Holy Spirit.”

This makes so much sense to me, because God can’t forgive us if we won’t repent. When he lets us know something is wrong, through the power of the Holy Ghost, and we don’t care there can be no repentance and no change. And then our heart continue to harden, and we can hear less, and become less and less like God, and more and more in bondage to sin. But you would have to have received the gift of the Holy Ghost, know the plan, know what you were feeling was from God, and then just not care. So it isn’t that you knew the truth once and have been deceived since then or forgotten, but it is that you know the truth now, right then, and don’t choose it. And sticking to that choice to the bitter end. That is really sad, actually.

But then to the question of why specifically sexual sin is then so serious, Jeffrey R. Holland explains:

By assigning such seriousness to a physical appetite so universally bestowed, what is God trying to tell us about its place in His plan for all men and women? I submit to you He is doing precisely that—commenting about the very plan of life itself. Clearly among His greatest concerns regarding mortality are how one gets into this world and how one gets out of it. He has set very strict limits in these matters.

He then says it is so important for 3 reasons:

1. The body is part of the soul, so exploiting someone’s body is exploiting their very soul, the soul that Christ accomplished to atonement to save.
2. It is the ultimate symbol of total union. Can only come with the proximity and permanence of the marriage covenant.
1. I just read a blog written by a woman who had lived with her boyfriend for a long time and had recently gotten married. She was surprised that it did feel different, even though their lives were essentially the same, because of making those promises. It felt more secure and permanent to her. I asked Billy about being away from Jamie while she is gone, if it is different now that they are married than it was when they had to be apart before when they had been living together. He said it was somewhat same old same old, but there was something different about it.
3. Third he says it is a symbol not only between husband and wife, but of their relationship with God. “These are moments when we quite literally unite our will with God’s will, our spirit with His spirit, where communion through the veil becomes very real. At such moments we not only acknowledge His divinity but we quite literally take something of that divinity to ourselves. One aspect of that divinity given to virtually all men and women is the use of His power to create a human body, that wonder of all wonders, a genetically and spiritually unique being never before seen in the history of the world and never to be duplicated again in all the ages of eternity. A child, your child—with eyes and ears and fingers and toes and a future of unspeakable grandeur.”

I wonder if we focused more on teaching the amazing sacredness of sex to our children, if abusing it would be less of temptation. I have always loved this talk, and how it re-frames the question.

Alma 39:5-6

Alma 39:1-4

When Omar blessed Isaiah at his baby blessing, He blessed him to follow the good example of his brother. As an older sibling, I never felt that responsibility to set a good example. It never crossed my mind, but it is something I have prayed Helaman would be aware of since that day. That’s what verse 1 makes me think of.

I also wonder if his brothers were sad that their dad wasn’t going to say more to them. It sounds like Alma is about to die here, and these are his final words. I remember how important everyone’s last conversation with my Aunt Barbie was to each of us. I think they probably didn’t want that council to end. Even if Corianton was going to be chastised, I am sure they all wished for more.

Sometimes we all end up paying more attention to the kids causing the problems, and feeling guilty about it. It’s hard to not make the good kids feel forgotten. Maybe referring to the brother who had made good choices was to include him and recognize the good as well as the bad? I think it speaks well of Corianton that, despite his mistakes, he wasn’t offended and hardened by the comparison, but ends up repenting. I am really bad about not listening when I need to be corrected, but rather getting offended or defensive. I really need to work on being more humble.

Which really ties into verse 2, where the problem he had was boasting about his own strength and wisdom, which I recognize is a problem I have. I may not say it out loud, but I often think it. And as my husband pointed out recently, I don’t even want to talk about decisions I have been made or ever be questioned. I have been feeling very prompted that I am too proud of my own strength and wisdom.

Which I think goes back to continually being drawn out to God in prayer. Because I am probably right sometimes, but I am sure not as much as I think I am. If I was humbling myself and asking for His direction more, would that help me to be more humble in general? And I am sure staying closer to the Spirit would help me listen to other people with more openness and love. And listening.

It is interesting to me that Alma says that the reason Corianton didn’t have an excuse for going after Isabel was that he should have stuck with his responsibilities. It wasn’t that he knew better, though I am sure he did, but if he had being really taking care of the things God had entrusted to him, he wouldn’t have been in trouble. The ministry I have been entrusted with is my family first and foremost, visiting teaching (kind of, if I ever get the assignment) and my primary class. Am I tending to my ministry? I can see how a focus on serving God would keep us from all kinds of trouble. It keeps us focused on His love, and loving other people. That is what we really need to worry about, and not get distracted from. I guess it, again, comes back to where you are focused every day. And that seems to go back to the constantly praying and making sure I stay in the scriptures. As in everything, it is hard not be frustrated with not be perfect about it, but I am doing better, and I can see that it makes a difference. It is always the enduring to the end that gets me, but I will press forward!

Alma 39:1-4

Alma 38:7-15

This part of the chapter is a great example of why personal narrative is so powerful and important. It would be one thing for Alma to tell his son about the Savior and the atonement, but it is a different and more powerful thing to tell about his own experience with it. There are things that you can only know through experience, and a power of testimony that only comes by sharing those experiences. When Mormon is summarizing Alma he never goes into great detail about his sins, which I think is an important example. The only reason to know more would be to satisfy curiosity, which is a base emotion. We can know of his pain at sin and joy from redemption without those details. Which is a relief to know that they don’t need to be shared in order to have an impact.

It is interesting that Alma tells his son to be diligent and temperate in all things. I think that is the answer to being faithful and magnifying your calling without going overboard or becoming a fanatic about anything. Be diligent, be conscientious in everything you do, but also be temperate, or moderate. Life is so much about balance, and I love these two words to describe how we should handle our life.

And then Alma talks about not being prideful again, which has come up a lot as he talks to his sons. When he was giving Helaman the list of things he should teach the people humble came up twice in the same list. And here it is again. Because it is SO easy to forget that anything I know or can do is a gift from God, and should be for his service. It is so easy to compare ourselves to other people. Instead I should wonder why I have been given the gifts I have, how does He want me to use them?

I also need to remember to use boldness by not overbearance. I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in a cause or something that I think it right, that I forget to be loving. I don’t bridle my passions, as he says. People use that to talk about sexual appetites a lot, but I think it is also about being passionate in a cause, or passionately angry. We have to “never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” That is a really difficult challenge for me; I really want to solve problems at the sacrifice of everything else. I need to focus on loving God’s children, even the ones that are blocking my problem solving!

I think one of the blessings of taking the Sacrament every week is remembering my own unworthiness, like Alma talks about in verse 14. If I really use that opportunity to focus on how much I need the Savior, and all the mistakes I make and ways I could be better, it would turn my heart to Him in gratitude, and help me deal with others with more mercy.

Why does Alma end with “be sober?” Is he afraid his son won’t take it seriously, or is about distraction in less serious pursuits? What do I need to be more sober about?

Alma 38:7-15

Alma 38:1-6

I love verse 2. I want to talk to my kids about this, remaining faithful to the testimonies they are building now. Although I know I need to do more to help with that, especially family scripture study. In October 2014 Richard G. Scott gave a conference talk on priorities, and this has always stuck with me:

“Don’t yield to Satan’s lie that you don’t have time to study the scriptures. Choose to take time to study them. Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep, school, work, television shows, video games, or social media. You may need to reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If so, do it!”

It’s the more important than sleep that jumped out at me at the time, and continues to come back to me. That is always why we don’t read scriptures, because bedtime gets so late. But it is more important than sleep, even school. I have to do better to help them strengthen their testimonies so they will have the grit, and hopefully desire, to really endure to the end. That is always the hard part.

Shiblon was able to bare his difficult trials with patience because the Lord was with him. And the Lord was with him because of his faith and obedience. Patience is what I desperately need all the time, so how can I be more obedient? I think reading scriptures THREE DAYS IN A ROW is a good start to repenting and be more obedient. And I am trying to pray all day, and keep the Lord in my thoughts and always remember Him. And I praying for patience. Now I just need to practice patience waiting to change my heart I suppose.

And I think verse 5 is the answer to my fear and anxiety all the time. I need to be more diligent in putting my trust in God and not being afraid. Sometimes everything that could go wrong in a day feels like the end of the world. But there is nothing that God is not greater than. This story really helped me to see that in a powerful way the other day:

We worry about things from a worldly perspective, but God has a vast eternal perspective as he does his work. I can stop fearing and trust Him as I move forward. All the things that seem so big and aren’t, and even the things that really are big and huge, will all be okay when swallowed up in His infinite wisdom and goodness. There is nothing that He is not bigger than.

I love that in verse 6, Alma is careful to deflect the glory back to God. I tend to feel really excited when I have insights into the world, and feel intellectually superior. But it is never me, it is always by revelation of the mind of God. I don’t know these things of myself, only by the power of the Holy Ghost, and the great mercy of God in allowing me to repent and change course in my life.

Alma 38:1-6

Alma 37:38-47

In verse 39 the way he described the Liahona parallels how I feel about the Book of Mormon. The experiences I have with this book tell me that no man alone could have written it. Moron did write most of it, but the power of inspiration in what he wrote is very apparent to me as I read and feel the Spirit. And there is no way Joseph Smith could have written it, especially in the time-frame of the translation. Much of the foundation of my testimony of the Church rests on the testimony of the Book of Mormon.

With the Liahnoa, it was their faith in the power of God that made it work. Maybe it isn’t just that he book was written by inspiration, but that God’s power can take things and make the work miracles and become more than they are. If I have the faith that God can point me to where I should go through the scriptures and the prophets, then He will. And I believe that, so why is so hard to read every day? Especially because I do desperately desire His direction and intervention. It’s funny how it really all comes back to the simple answers, pray (yesterday’s message for me) and read the scriptures (today’s message).  It really is by small and simple things that God accomplishes his mighty work in us. And I really am often blinded by the simpleness. Which is exactly the point of verses 41 and 42.

The answer is then found in verse 46, we just have to choose not to be slothful, or lazy. Oh how I want to not be slothful! I love how I feel and how close God is when I do those simple things. I am grateful for the reminders, and for the atonement which allows me to keep trying and starting again.

Alma 37:38-47

Alma 37:36-37

Verse 36 describes something I feel like I have struggled with for a long time. We covenant to always remember Christ, and this verse talks about letting all our thoughts be directed unto the Lord. Yet in the everyday business and even monotony of life, I find it very hard to always keep my mind on the Lord. How do I think about laundry, and dishes and homework, showers, and all the other millions of things that fill my day and at the same time also being thinking about God? I know that it would help. If I was truly always remembering it would be so much easier to choose kindness and love and hard work and service in the midst of all those things. I just have never felt very successful at always keeping my thoughts on God. At BYU someone once talked about training your mind to come back to Christ, and that feels like it aligns well with the idea of agency. But I still find it very difficult to train my mind to do that, all these years later. I think that is where the idea of ponderize could be helpful, because it gives you a concrete thing to send your mind back to, instead of the overwhelming idea of God in general.

I also need to be better about counseling with the Lord in all my doings. Last night I was reading an article about 50 ways happier and healthier people live, and the idea of morning, midday and evening prayers really struck me. That author said:

I’ve gotten the best results as my morning prayer and meditation are motivational, my afternoon prayer and meditation are strategic and my evening prayer and meditation are evaluative and educational.

In verse 37 he talks about lying down unto the Lord at night so that he will keep you safe, and then with a prayer of gratitude in the morning. My prayers are never this structured or purposeful, they are random pleading of my freaked and stressed out mind. Would praying this way, or more purposefully in general help with that feeling of frenzy and fear? What would a motivational morning prayer look like? Would it be the same as a prayer of gratitude? What I was grateful for the opportunities before me that day? And would it help always remember Him for me to specifically dedicate my time to the Lord?

As I start each new project in a day, I could counsel with the Lord on what I am doing, and that would help train my mind to return to Him. “Please help me mop the floor well, and feel happy about serving my family instead of frustrated about the constant need to clean.” “Please help me know if this is the best use of my time, or if there is something else I should be doing.” Missionaries pray all day before they do everything they do. And that doesn’t seem weird because they are on the Lord’s errand and need His inspiration and intervention. But if I believe that being a full-time mom and housewife is the Lord’s errand for me right now, that needing to pray over the things I am doing isn’t really any different?

Alma 37:36-37