Mosiah 17

I wonder why King Noah got even madder when Alma didn’t want to kill Abinidi. Last night we were talking about how when people do things for you, they sometimes feel like you owe them or you have to be controlled by them. It seems like that could have been the case here. King Noah had set things up pretty sweet, in a worldly sense, for his priests. He probably saw him as an ungrateful traitor. It’s kind of to Alma’s benefit that he used anger and tried to kill him instead of guilt and trying to sway him. It’s way easier to dig in and stick to your guns in a direct conflict. At least for me. It’s hard for me to not be swayed by guilt trips because I often don’t trust my own judgment, or put a firm enough faith in inspiration I have received, and wonder if I really am being bad. I need to stop making decisions based on fear.

It’s interesting to me that King Noah had to find an excuse to kill Abinidi, that it took him three days, and then he tried to make it religious. It’s an example of how people try to justify their sins and pretend the thing they are doing really is good. I wonder if that is why it works so well for Satan to call bad good, because we want to believe him. I guess not always, but I can see that some of the time.

It’s interesting that King Noah almost saved himself here, but the priests got to his pride and it was his downfall. The anger of “I’m will not be spoken to that way or treated that way,” is a dangerous kind of pride. I feel myself acting like that towards my children sometimes, parenting through force and coercion.  I feel like that is something I really need to change.

It takes a lot of courage of conviction to stand by the truth even through a death by fire. It reminds me of the Salem witch trials, or modern torture, where people confess to lies all the time to avoid that pain and torture. I can see how not taking your words back even through that kind of horrible pain seals their truthfulness. You couldn’t do that just to be stubborn. Abinidi knew that was the price he was going to pay and went into the situation willing to pay it. That is amazing dedication to God’s will no matter what. What a wonderful example he was!

Mosiah 16

It strikes me again as I read how people, by and large, are not bad. Abinidi talks about the fall and knowing good from evil and choosing evil. He talks about choosing not to control our carnal impulses and being as base as we ever feel the urge to be. Those are the people I can see seeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth, but most people I know are really trying to choose good. Including me. We are just so hard on each other when with almost everyone we meet jsut needs love and patience and help. We take such a finite and unbending view of obedience. The impressions I got from the Lord are compassionate and forgiving instead.

Mosiah 15

Abinidi’s both the father and the son discussion is so abstract and confusing to me. It sounds like a discussion of the holy trinity. I’ve heard other explanations that make more sense to me, though I suppose his is abstractly true, it doesn’t speak to me. Maybe, that is just something for later understanding?

When Abinidi talks about how Christ reacted to suffering, it strikes me again that it is more than just a description of His experience. If we are supposed to follow His example, that is how we need to react to adversity. I was reminded of what I had read and realized by Omar again last night in our different reactions to the men who delivered his mom’s fridge and messed it up. I was offended and angry and he was so calm, and even bothered by my angriness. He doesn’t always react so calmly in every situation, but it is something I have really noticed that last couple of days as Abinidi talks about the Savior.

When Abinidi explains who the scriptures mean in publishing peace it makes me think about how we get so distracted by temporal when the real importance is only things eternal. The peace they prophet’s publish is that the Savior has saved us all and we can find peace eternally in Him. It’s peace in opposition to the terror of the Fall of Adam and being cut off from God to forever suffer for our sins. It’s publishing peace to those who believe and know the things of God. I think that is another thing Satan has so cleverly twisted, to make people love those who say you can find peace IN sin. Much like the priests of King Noah, those who preach repentance today are accused of not being peaceful and causing problems.

I love that Abinidi clarifies that it is those who willfully rebel against God that are in eternal trouble. I love that He is so merciful and requires us only to do the best we can with what we know. It is truly such a loving and perfect plan.

Mosiah 15

Mosiah 14

I know this is a recurring theme with me, but what I got out of Isaiah’s description of the Savior that Abinidi was quoting was, again, how humble He was and how far I have to go to be like him. No matter what happened, he meekly took it. Not to say that there are not times when it is appropriate to fight, but it’s probably almost never, instead of the almost always I tend towards. Like last night when I was mad at the neighbor kid for leaving a mess in the road, but Omar went and talked to him then helped -him clean it up and made a friend—definitely the more Christ-like response. I always take everything so personally and angrily. But when you review the Savior’s life, he just humbly took it all with no complaint because He loved us, and because He loved the people causing the offense more than he needed to be strong and right. If there was ever anyone who didn’t deserve what happened it was Him, but that wasn’t His reaction at all. So how can it be mine?

Mosiah 14

Mosiah 13

I never realized before how much faith Abinidi must have had in the Nephi principle of “go and do.” When the king ordered him killed, he said they could not because he hadn’t yet done what the Lord had commanded. He completely trusted in the idea that the Lord provides a way to fulfill His commands. I need to develop that kind of unwavering faith, that no matter the opposition I just press forward until I’ve done what He has asked. Sometimes I act like it’s too hard over really silly things, like needing to take my boys with me to do things for my calling. But if the Lord has asked me to do it, then it will work and I just need to press forward and not feel trapped or unable. I need to have more trust in Him to provide the way when it doesn’t seem possible.

I also appreciate how Abinidi stood firm in the truth despite ridicule. They didn’t say he was wrong, they said he was mad. I can see now in the world how Satan uses that tactic. When someone directly confronts you, it is easier to dig in your heels and stand firm, but when they make fun of you then your self-doubt kicks in and makes you doubt what you know is true. Once I have spiritual confirmation of truth, once I know it was the Lord telling me something is true, I need to stand firm in that truth and not be wavered by anything, including ridicule.

When Abinidi told them not to touch him they believed him because he was speaking with the power and authority of God. The cross-reference in that verse goes to teaching with the Spirit. It’s a powerful idea that even hateful unbelievers can feel that power when you teach by the Spirit, when your words are weighted by confirmation and approval from God. I knew it was an important principle, but this reinforces the importance to me.

It’s interesting to me that Abinidi is teaching the 10 commandments. My first impression was that they are so basic, why would you start there. But as he goes through the list I realize that many believing people have not written these commandments on their heart as he says. We overshoot the mark and do not follow the basics like not taking the name of the Lord in vain, or keeping the Sabbath Day holy. These things sometimes feel like side-notes, but really, are the meat and potatoes of the commandments. I couldn’t tell you what all 10 commandments are, and I never think about whether or not I am keeping those specifically. Are they written on my heart? More abstractly, I hope so. 

One of the commandments is to honor your father and mother. This one has been in my thoughts a lot over my life because my parents brought it up all the time. They always used it to require obedience, and it always felt manipulative. Like being Catholic and obeying from guilt. I hated when they would say it, and I don’t want to use that on my kids. But beyond that, what does the commandment mean? I looked up honor in the dictionary, and it basically said to treat with respect. I guess what I have to question myself on is if I do treat them with respect. I think the question stays complicated, even as an adult when you have to balance making your husband and children and that family first while still being respectful. And what respect means is muddled in my head with years of guilt and anxiety, so it’s hard to tell what I think it means. In individual circumstances, for me, it means relying on the Spirit to help guide my decisions and behavior until I can understand this concept and make better decision independently. This is one of those things where I just tend to feel muddled.

When Abinidi starts talking about how the Law of Moses was a preparatory law, my mind goes to visiting teaching and the changes from rules to expecting us to actually just minister and love each other. I am grateful to feel the Spirit tell me that we have progressed as a people to this point that He can trust us with a higher law. What an amazing thing, and time to be a part of His church.

Whenever I read about the Savior and His redemption, I am so grateful. I know I could never be saved by the law alone because I struggle everyday with law-breaking. Without the atonement I would be completely lost, even without the major repentance and turning points in my life. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ, and am so grateful for His sacrifice to save me. Isaiah and I were talking about this at bedtime last night, and I am grateful for the tender mercy of moments of opportunity to teach my sons these truths, opportunities for them to feel the Spirit and know of their Savior’s love. I pray that they will go through life knowing who He is and what their purpose is here. That they will know that I love Him, and even in my imperfections am doing my best to serve Him. I pray that my life and my mothering with be an influence for good in their lives, and be a help not hindrance to them walking the path that leads to Eternal Life.

Mosiah 13