I never realized before how much faith Abinidi must have had
in the Nephi principle of “go and do.” When the king ordered him killed, he
said they could not because he hadn’t yet done what the Lord had commanded. He
completely trusted in the idea that the Lord provides a way to fulfill His
commands. I need to develop that kind of unwavering faith, that no matter the
opposition I just press forward until I’ve done what He has asked. Sometimes I
act like it’s too hard over really silly things, like needing to take my boys
with me to do things for my calling. But if the Lord has asked me to do it,
then it will work and I just need to press forward and not feel trapped or
unable. I need to have more trust in Him to provide the way when it doesn’t
seem possible.
I also appreciate how Abinidi stood firm in the truth
despite ridicule. They didn’t say he was wrong, they said he was mad. I can see
now in the world how Satan uses that tactic. When someone directly confronts
you, it is easier to dig in your heels and stand firm, but when they make fun
of you then your self-doubt kicks in and makes you doubt what you know is true.
Once I have spiritual confirmation of truth, once I know it was the Lord
telling me something is true, I need to stand firm in that truth and not be
wavered by anything, including ridicule.
When Abinidi told them not to touch him they believed him
because he was speaking with the power and authority of God. The cross-reference
in that verse goes to teaching with the Spirit. It’s a powerful idea that even
hateful unbelievers can feel that power when you teach by the Spirit, when your
words are weighted by confirmation and approval from God. I knew it was an
important principle, but this reinforces the importance to me.
It’s interesting to me that Abinidi is teaching the 10
commandments. My first impression was that they are so basic, why would you
start there. But as he goes through the list I realize that many believing
people have not written these commandments on their heart as he says. We
overshoot the mark and do not follow the basics like not taking the name of the
Lord in vain, or keeping the Sabbath Day holy. These things sometimes feel like
side-notes, but really, are the meat and potatoes of the commandments. I
couldn’t tell you what all 10 commandments are, and I never think about whether
or not I am keeping those specifically. Are they written on my heart? More
abstractly, I hope so.
One of the commandments is to honor your father and mother.
This one has been in my thoughts a lot over my life because my parents brought
it up all the time. They always used it to require obedience, and it always
felt manipulative. Like being Catholic and obeying from guilt. I hated when
they would say it, and I don’t want to use that on my kids. But beyond that,
what does the commandment mean? I looked up honor in the dictionary, and it
basically said to treat with respect. I guess what I have to question myself on
is if I do treat them with respect. I think the question stays complicated,
even as an adult when you have to balance making your husband and children and
that family first while still being respectful. And what respect means is
muddled in my head with years of guilt and anxiety, so it’s hard to tell what I
think it means. In individual circumstances, for me, it means relying on the Spirit
to help guide my decisions and behavior until I can understand this concept and
make better decision independently. This is one of those things where I just tend
to feel muddled.
When Abinidi starts talking about how the Law of Moses was a
preparatory law, my mind goes to visiting teaching and the changes from rules to
expecting us to actually just minister and love each other. I am grateful to feel
the Spirit tell me that we have progressed as a people to this point that He can
trust us with a higher law. What an amazing thing, and time to be a part of His
church.
Whenever I read about the Savior and His redemption, I am so
grateful. I know I could never be saved by the law alone because I struggle everyday
with law-breaking. Without the atonement I would be completely lost, even without
the major repentance and turning points in my life. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ,
and am so grateful for His sacrifice to save me. Isaiah and I were talking about
this at bedtime last night, and I am grateful for the tender mercy of moments of
opportunity to teach my sons these truths, opportunities for them to feel the Spirit
and know of their Savior’s love. I pray that they will go through life knowing who
He is and what their purpose is here. That they will know that I love Him, and even
in my imperfections am doing my best to serve Him. I pray that my life and my mothering
with be an influence for good in their lives, and be a help not hindrance to them
walking the path that leads to Eternal Life.
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