Alma 44:16-24

I wonder if I would have been one of the Lamanite soldiers to leave in peace, or stay and get more riled up to fight. I am afraid I would be one who was in the fight to the death, because I struggle so much with anger and pride and not backing down.

Was it okay that Moroni was angry?

Once the people were getting slaughtered, Zaraheman was willing to make the covenant of peace Moroni had offered originally. There was such a huge cost and no gain because of his anger and pride and stubbornness. I can see that is the case with me a lot of the time, too. I get so angry and entrenched I end up saying this I don’t even mean, and taking a more extreme position than I really feel. And it causes wounds that never needed to be, and are hard to fix.

Again, though, here is an example of Moroni being a man of his word. Even though he was angry, he didn’t let that control his actions. Once the Lamanites were ready to stop fighting he stopped and let them go. His anger didn’t control his choices I guess. So what makes it possible for Moroni to keep seeing the big picture? What do I need to do differently to be more like him? I need to ponder and pray about this.

Alma 44:16-24

Alma 44:1-15

At first I could see a parallel between the Lamenites killing the Nephites because of their faith in Christ and what ISIS and other terror groups are doing in the world now. Except the thing that is different is that ISIS isn’t just trying to destroy our faith, but make everyone believe what they believe. Did the Lamenites have any religion? Did they believe anything? And if not, what about the Nephites believing made them so angry? Especially when they lived in separate lands, it seems like it wouldn’t have really affected them. I wonder if the fact that it was their king that converted and left to the Nephites made them so much angrier.  I guess, is it really that different from all the times we get mad about things just because we think they are stupid. Our family really does that a lot, where things that seem dumb are worth hating. The Lamenites thought the Nephite beliefs were stupid, and that made them angry. It makes me think about Christ talking about the higher law, where anger is like murder. (Which is really hard for me to hear when I spend so much time in my life angry, especially at people I would never want to hurt let alone kill).

I was actually thinking about this at church yesterday, how attitude affects an experience so much. Why is it so hard for my family to just not be cynical about things? It is always easy to find things to criticize and mock, but I know that when I look at a situation from outside of it, we are missing out on opportunities for joy. Is it a vulnerability issue? We just don’t “lean in” to the experiences that are happening, but remain aloof and apart to some extent. And because that is the culture we have built in our family, it is really difficult to change.

In either The Crucible of Doubt or The God Who Weeps, the Givens talk about how our agency is full in this life, and belief is completely a matter of choice. Moroni and Zarahemna could both look at the situation and find entirely different explanations, Moroni attributing his army’s success to God and Zarahemna seeing it as only due to their cunning and armor. They talk in the book about how in this world the arguments for or against belief are equally persuasive, which is what gives us the real option to choose, and our choice ends up being based on who we are at the deepest level. That idea was very freeing to me. My choice to believe doesn’t have to be based on disproving the arguments for not believing. I get to make a choice between the options.

It is interesting to me, however, that Zarahemna didn’t just lie and make the oath he didn’t intend to keep. I noticed that years ago when reading about Nephi trusting Zoram as soon as he made an oath to stay with them. Was it just a more honest time? I feel like I hardy trust anyone now. Is that me, or is this somehow a different time or culture?

It also took a lot of honor and courage for Moroni to not back down when Zarahemna rejected his offer. War is awful now, and I am sure was awful then. I know they had to have been anxious to end the conflict, but he stuck to what he had said. I have been working on sticking to my word with kids since I received that impression so strongly a little while ago. And this section feels like a re-affirmation of how important that is. Again, I feel like I need to carefully consider my words before I talk and then stick to them, even though sometimes it is very hard to see them sad about consequences. I need to give them that structure, but also to be a woman of honor, who is known to do what she says she will do.

It is interesting that once their leader fled many of the Lamenites were willing to throw down their weapons and make the covenant of peace. Isaiah and I were talking about that from the Book of Mormon this morning, how Mosiah didn’t want the people to have a king anymore because of the damage a wicked leader can do. It is something to remember more carefully as a mother, and in other leadership positions. If I am leading us astray, that is a big responsibility. I need to be more mindful and deliberate in the decisions and make and the things I say.

Alma 44:1-15

Alma 43:34-54

I know it is good that the Nephites were winning this war, but reading about lots of Lamenites being slaughtered makes me feel sad. It would be interesting to read the history of this people from the perspective of the Lamenites. They were still complex human children of God dying. War sucks. It had to be so terrifying for the Lamenite army to think they were fleeing the battle and then to just be getting met by Moroni’s army everywhere they tried to turn. Was it hard for the Moroni’s men to wait while Lehi’s men battled? I know it is often hard for me to wait and think something is not my fight, or I should wait until the right time to get involved. I am very impatient and want to make everything happen “right now” all the time. As a mom, I want to teach and correct my kids and have that change everything right then. I want to protect them from the consequences of their mistakes, but sometimes I am sure it is more effective to watch the battle and come in when it is the right time to help. I know our struggles in this life teach us and make us stronger, but sometimes it is so hard to allow other people to struggle. I guess it comes back to the idea of living deliberately, instead of just reacting. I need to counsel with the Lord and then take action with direction and purpose instead of just reacting.

Once the Lamenites knew they were trapped they became even more ferocious. Mormon attributes it to their evil leaders, and I am sure that is true, but I think it is also human nature. Even when you try to trap someone with words, just on a position they may not even care about that much, they become entrenched and fight harder. I wonder if there was a different way to go that would have caused less fatality among the Nephites and still been a victory?

And yet, even if they did it wrong, because they were on God’s side they were still able to prevail. They were inspired by a better cause. Sometimes I feel like only the perfect plan will work, or only if nothing goes wrong at all will things turn out as they should. This leads me to be really fearful and controlling and anxious a lot of the time. I need to trust that when I am on the Lord’s side, even imperfect actions can result in the right end.

In the moment that the Nephites cried to God they were able to stand with power against the Lamenites. That’s been my experience, as well. His infinite perfection covers our imperfection and sanctifies our efforts and lives. He changes everything when we turn to Him.

Moroni was amazing here. He didn’t get caught up in blood lust, and he didn’t get caught up in the thrill of competition and winning. The moment he thought there was a chance to be safe without killing anyone else, he stopped everything. It is hard not to get caught in the thrill of winning and competition. He must have had so much humility.

Alma 43:34-54 

Alma 43:27-33

As I was reading yesterday I was thinking that Moroni thinking it was no sin to use strategy in the war because his cause was righteous, I tried to think of how that had modern application in the war against sin. Yesterday I thought of the PR department at church, and how sometimes the business and PR end of things feels weird, but maybe it is just people doing everything they can in the fight against Satan. However, today what it made me think as I reread it is that we have to be conscience in our fight. We have to have a plan, and be thinking about how we are going to win the fight for our souls and the souls of our family. We can’t just go through life with no though or preparation and hope that it is enough. So reading scriptures, and praying, and going to church, and seeking revelation, and DOING IT all become even so much more important. We have to be deliberate in our lives.

Alma 43:27-33

Alma 43:1-26

Alma must have been pretty hold here, and probably supposed to be retired since Mormon mentions that he “could not rest” and went back out to preach. It reminds me of grandpas. They never wanted to stop working and doing things, Grandpa Don living way beyond when he was supposed to so he could do extraction, and Grandpa Bill who kept working outside even if it meant falling and waiting for someone to find him. That simple phrase makes my heart feel so full, and miss them so much. Sadly, I don’t think that would describe me, I am not always so “anxiously engaged,” but definitely like a good rest.

Verse 2 feels like a scripture I should share with Greta when I write to her this morning.

I am always amazed by the Nephites willingness to protect the people of Ammon. Why were they willing to fight and die for them? Why were they willing to give them land? Why did they have so much respect for the covenant the people had made not to fight, even when it didn’t make any worldly sense anymore? The land and protection reminds me of the refugees from the Middle East right now. It makes me sad that some people are so unwillingly to help. We worry that it might put us in harm, the reason I often don’t help. But helping the people of Ammon did the put the Nephites in harm’s way almost immediately. In my heart, I wish I was much braver, or had more faith, about helping. But in the case of the refugees, if my vote counts, it will be a vote to help and protect and love.

It is interesting what a big difference the Nephite armor made, that the Lamenites were scared even though they had the larger army. And they were right to be scared. One of the boys put their “armor of God” poster on the mirror in their bedroom this week. I felt like then, and I feel like as I read this now, that I need to do better about arming my children for the battles they must fight every day. Watching Elf for Family Night last night was fun, but was it the best use of that time we have together? What can I do more to help them be protected?

The Lamenites fled when they saw they armor, but they didn’t give up the attack, they just tried a weaker part of the land. Because Moroni asked the prophet, they were able to strengthen the weak part in time and be protected. If this life is our war, there are so many parallels here. It reminds me of the scriptures in Ether 12:27:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Moroni went to the Lord to know what to do, was shown his people’s weakness and was able to make it strong because the Lord had helped them. I can see the Satan is constantly attacking me, and when I feel proud of the my strength in resisting him, he gets me where I am weak. It is so important to keep asking Heavenly Father for help and strength, and to know what my weaknesses are so I can strengthen them. This is something I can teach my kids to help them be armored.

It also strikes me as important here that Moroni did not just pray and ask God himself, but also trusted the prophet who had been sent to give the mind of the Lord to His people. Another protection for us is to trust the counsel of the prophet whose job it is to provide that protection and guidance in this war. Right now, I feel like that is doing better about keeping the Sabbath day holy. What do we need to do to follow better?

Alma 43:1-26

Alma 42:12-31

I wonder why no unclean thing can be in the presence of God? Alma sites justice as the reason for being cut off from God forever, but justice is only the application of predetermined consequences in my mind. When I look up the definition of justice, it is just the quality of righteousness of something. So Alma is really saying that because of God’s righteousness we would be cut off, and if he stopped being righteous he would stop being God, which makes more sense to me. That makes it easier to align with the idea that this life is one where we use our agency to decide what we love and really want for eternity. So what Alma is saying is that God does not take away that choice? My mind tends to go to the punishment and reward definition of everything, and I spent a lot of my life understanding the gospel that way. But I have learned that is a way oversimplification and worldly view. It is hard to change my assumptions about the meaning of scriptures and words, or even recognize that I am making those assumptions (grateful for the thoughts about that from this talk today). Although Alma does talk in specific terms of punishment, but I feel like those are the words he has to try and describe a bigger concept.

In the bigger context, then, laws are given so that we have parameters to choose from. We had to know what choosing God and Eternal Life looked like. Commandments and laws teach us how He is and how we can become like Him. They are just a help for us to reach our goals, if our goals are righteous. Without laws to choose to obey or not, there is not choice to make, and we could not exercise our agency in any way that was meaningful, because we would have no understanding. For there to actually be growth from choices, there has to be conscious choice.

And the atonement allows us to keep choosing again. We choose wrong and regret it, and Christ gave us the option to remake that choice. How great is the mercy of our God, and love of our Savior!

Alma 42:12-31

Alma 42:1-12

We talk about this life being a test a lot. Which I think can get confusing and sound punitive and different than God’s real intention and plan. A test is usually used to determine a level of accomplishment, something to be measured against to determine where you are. But God doesn’t need to determine how good or obedient we are, He already knows. It makes the idea of test confusing to me. Alma says that it is a time given to us to repent, but that only makes sense once we have sinned. Does that mean we were sent here to sin? We all, do, and God knew we all would. It feels like a failure when we do. But, similarly to the necessity of Adam and Eve’s transgression, maybe it really is the point of why we are. Because we couldn’t know the sweet without the bitter. We can’t fully choose God without ever having experienced being without Him. It casts the experience of mistakes, my own and the people around me, in a totally different light. Sometimes it feels like everything depends on nothing going wrong, but maybe everything really depends on stuff going wrong. How can I remember than when I am so frustrated with myself? Or with my family? It must be part of always remembering Him to be able to view mistakes always in light of the atonement.

The cherubim and flaming sword to guard the tree of life is mysterious to me. First of all, what do those really mean? And is the tree of life still on the earth? It seems like the Garden of Eden, where it was located, is not, so once they were cast out why did it need to be guarded? Was it an actual fruit you could eat and live forever? And why is death important to our salvation? What would have changed if Adam and Eve had eaten it?

The way Alma talks about how they would have been immediately and forever miserable without the atonement reminds me of The Need for a Savior movie the church put out this Christmas. 

Alma 42:1-12

Alma 41:8-15

Verse 8 starts with the decrees of God are unalterable. What a blessing that we can always trust Him to keep His word. It gives a sense of peace and calm, that I think is what is missing in my parenting. I give in to arguing and whining, and I think I am being loving. But it doesn’t add peace to our home, or give my kids a sense of stability. I need to speak more slowly, with more thought, and then stick with what I say.

The way Alma talks about restoration I think sometimes confuses me. I have spent a lot of my life caught up in the idea of crime and punishment, focused on details of restoring good for good and bad for bad. It took a long time for me to understand that the whole idea of the gospel is about becoming. It is mostly that when we die we will still be ourselves, nothing really changes. So we will still be who we have chosen to become, and the peace and joy in our life that comes from trusting God will be the same peace and joy there, just a greater measure because of greater certainty. And maybe Alma is really clearly saying that, but I spent a lot of my life in the gospel not understanding that.

Alma 41:8-15

Alma 41:1-7

I have been reading a lot about proof texting lately, where you just take certain scriptures out of the context of the whole to make a particular point. People talk about it in terms of terrorism, and extreme Islam, how they only use particular scriptures from the Quran to justify their atrocities. But it also happens in our church, not for terrorism, but to prove a point that may not necessarily be true. It reminds me of my philosophy class when we learned about the philosophes, who would get paid to use logic to argue any point, true or not. And we do talk about individual scripture verses a lot, taken out of the whole to learn something. And sometimes I think it is “wresting” the scriptures, as Alma says in verse 1, and it can lead us astray. I think the answer to avoiding that problem is found in 2 Nephi 9:29 where he tells us to be learned is good if we hearken to the counsels of God. We have to rely on the Holy Ghost and not just our own figuring and philosophizing and understanding to know if what we think it means is really what it means. And that makes personal revelation even more critical, even when we have resources to read or hear the word of God, without the Holy Ghost and revelation, we can’t really ever understand the things of God.

I remember in my Book of Mormon class at BYU the teacher pointing out how important it was that we are judged not only by our works but also our intentions, as Alma points out in verse 3. There is a big philosophical discussion about if outcome or intent is more important. I am grateful to have come to understand that what God wants from us is not a checklist of behavior, but a becoming. It is about our hearts changing and reaching for Him and trying to be like Him. It is possible to do good things for really bad and selfish reasons. In fact, I think for most of us our motivations are usually a mixture of pure and worldly. In the case where our motivations are bad, but the outcome is good, it makes sense that we are judged according to our intent, because that shows where our heart really lies. It is also possible to have terrible outcomes from truly pure intentions. And how merciful and loving is our God who looks at our hearts and understands. I love in verse 6 how he describes it as having desired righteousness. When I am feeling like I am failing at being righteous, the Lord often comforts me by letting me know that he appreciates that I desire to be righteous, and that if I keep trying, that is enough.

Alma 41:1-7

Alma 40:11-26

With our without the idea of eternity, the state of righteous souls at death sounds amazing. It is that idea we always talk about, wanting even just one day of peace and rest from all care and sorrow. It makes me feel happy when I think about those who I love that have died to just be so unburdened and peaceful and happy. What a beautiful perspective on death.

The description of the wicked souls in hell sounds a lot like what guilt feels like now. That fear and misery about your choices. Until the time of resurrection is a lot of suffering. That would be very difficult to bare. Especially without the hope of repentance.

Was the resurrection at the time of Christ’s resurrection only the righteous?

I always wonder about what a bodies proper and perfect frame will be. The choices we make about what to do with our bodies have spiritual consequences, and I know we will keep those consequences, but will we keep no physical consequences of our choices? I guess does it matter? Does it mean everyone’s eyes will be perfectly spaced, and bodies symmetrical and beautiful, or will our standard of perfect be completely different?

We talk about people who are righteous in this life having a shining countenance. And we talk about God as light. Here Alma talks about the righteous shining in the kingdom of God. I wonder what the relationship between good, or God, and light really is. Is it just symbolic, or more concrete than that?

Overall, the point is that righteousness bring peace. I definitely was not feeling peaceful trying to get the kids ready for school this morning until I calmed down and stopped yelling. I am really grateful for the Spiritual reminders that I need to not yell. If peace is what I want in my home, then I need to make better choices.

Alma 40:11-26 

Alma 40:1-10

It is interesting that Corianton’s mind was concerned about the resurrection of the dead. I wonder if part of the reasons for his choices was that he hadn’t really had a testimony of the gospel to this point. It sounds like he still had doubts and questions. I love how he talks about how the timing of things doesn’t really matter, because it is all one day to God and time is only measure unto men. That is what I keep thinking about with the children of gay parents not being able to be baptized. I am sure it will cause heartache for some people, and a delay of blessings is always hard. But if we could see things the way God sees them the waiting time is no time at all. It is really nothing because to God there is no time. It is hard to get my head around, but also very reassuring at the same time.

I love that Alma gets into the mysteries of the kingdom. What happens to the soul between death and resurrection doesn’t matter for his eternal salvation, but God wants us to be curious and want to understand everything. It is fine to want to know what we don’t know. He inquired of God with enough faith to receive angelic visitations. What an amazing thing that we can so simply know these same mysteries because they are contained in the scriptures. The only effort required is to read and notice. We really do live in an amazing time.

Alma 40:1-10

Alma 39:10-19

I wonder how young Corianton was. I still feel like I need to counsel my younger brothers and sisters, but they are not really that young any more. But it makes me think of this quote I found when studying yesterday:

“The invitation to repent is an expression of love. … If we do not invite others to change or if we do not demand repentance of ourselves, we fail in a fundamental duty we owe to one another and to ourselves. A permissive parent, an indulgent friend, a fearful Church leader are in reality more concerned about themselves than the welfare and happiness of those they could help. Yes, the call to repentance is at times regarded as intolerant or offensive and may even be resented, but guided by the Spirit, it is in reality an act of genuine caring” (The Divine Gift of Repentance).

So I guess, we all have experiences and insight that could help the people around us that we love. Sometimes it is because we have lived longer, but not even always. And Nephi kept counseling his older brothers all the way until he had to flee for his life. It must be more about following the spirit, so it was the right council at the right time in the right way. Otherwise I am just being a busy body.

When I think about the times I have been making really bad decisions in my life, or even just the times I haven’t been doing the things that keep me close to the Spirit, I worry that part of the consequences of my choices is what Alma talks about here, how Corianton’s example made it so that people didn’t listen to the gospel. Part of the burden of sin is not only the bad you did, but the good you could have done and didn’t. That is one thing that makes me really appreciate the atonement. There is no way I can go back and fix being a bad example, or missing opportunities to serve because I wasn’t listening to the Spirit. And even though it is unfixable, I can still be forgiven because of the infinite atonement of Jesus Christ. His grace is sufficient to make up for all of that. And his goodness is so great that all that good that was missed can be made up for in the end—no one will be condemned because of my bad example.

It would require a lot of humility for Corianton to go back and acknowledge what he had done wrong. Again, it speaks highly of who he was, despite his mistakes, that he really did repent and do the hard work it took to be right again.

I love verse 14, too. Seek not after riches or the vain things of the world. It is such a simple reminder, but it is so easy to forget and get caught up in the chase. It has been easy for me lately, to forget what I really care about and want to spend my time and resources on. Making my house comfortable and welcoming for my family is a good goal, and it is okay to want it to be nice, but it is easy for me to get consumed with wanting things, not necessarily for any good goal type reasons. That is probably why it is so important to read scriptures and nourish your soul all the time, to remember where you want your focus to be, and to take the time to refocus it there.

I have felt like the better off our family becomes financially, the more challenging this has been for me. I am grateful that Omar’s career has been able to bless our family so much, but I feel like I get stingier as we get “richer.” Not that we are rich by any means, only compared to our younger selves. But it used to be easier to give away the little that we had. Now I really have to overcome myself. Maybe because it never seemed possible to have nice things before, and now it does. This is something that has been a struggle in my heart lately. At tithing settlement yesterday Bishop talked to us about fast offering, and I felt very grateful that I had been prompted to start giving more. I felt like Heavenly Father was telling me that it was a good start to not being selfish, and that specific blessings had come to our family lately because of it.

I am so grateful for God’s tender mercy and gentle love. He gently prompts us to do better, and rewards us when we do. He is so good and so kind. I need to parent with more gentleness and more kindness and focusing on the good things they do.

We also talked at tithing settlement about how the things we are being asked to do now are to protect our grandchildren and future generations. When Alma told his son their ministry was to teach people so they could prepare their children to hear the words of Christ, that is what it reminded me of. The idea of preparing and protecting future generations feels very powerful to me right now. I felt the Spirit in that meeting yesterday, and know that what he was telling us was true. I am trying to prepare my sons to be fathers who will teach their children the gospel and lead their home in righteousness to Him. What an amazing idea. That is what needs to be the focus of what I do. Not fancy things or a bigger house. I am grateful for the reminder!

Alma 39:10-19

Alma 39:7-9

I have experienced the Holy Ghost harrowing up my sins for my own good, and I know that is a miserable experience, but even in the midst of it, I knew it was for my own good. Maybe that is because I am at the point in my life where I really want to be better and do things right. I want the correction, even though it is miserable and difficult and hard. But I am grateful for the prompting that understanding, that I have no more desire to sin. Sometimes I am only aware of my imperfections, and they are many. But I feel like maybe I am going in the right direction, on the right path at least.

The idea that some sins are more serious than others is a difficult one because God cannot look any sin with the least degree of allowance. I think sometimes when we teach about some sins being more serious we miss the point that any sin keeps us from the presence of God. We are all sinners and all dependent on the mercy of Christ. So what does it really mean that some sins are more serious? I think it must have to do with the difficulty of repenting and changing. There must be some things that harden our hearts more than others. If that is why, though, then why is sexual sin worse? How is it like murder? Maybe it comes down to treating people as less than people? The seminary manual defines abomination as something that is awful to the Lord. Does that add insight?

I tried to look up a definition for cross yourself that fit with this scripture, but I couldn’t find one. The only information I could find that defined it as self-control was the fact that the footnote links to that topic in the topical guide. My thought was that it relates to taking up our cross to follow Christ (Matt. 16:24). But I don’t really have a good sense of what that means either. I appreciated the clarification I found here:

Let him deny himself, and take up his cross.—Our common thoughts of “self-denial,” i.e., the denial to ourselves of some pleasure or profit, fall far short of the meaning of the Greek. The man is to deny his whole self, all his natural motives and impulses, so far as they come into conflict with the claims of Christ.

It is about the death of the natural man, and become a new person in Christ. I love that bit of understanding!

Alma 39:7-9

Alma 39:5-6

This is where the doctrine about the grievousness of sexual sin comes from. Second only to murder or denying the Holy Ghost. This is such a complicated verse. 

It is confusing and complicated to get into what denying the Holy Ghost means, and Alma, or maybe Mormon in his abbreviation, really doesn’t. At least not the way it has been explained to me since then. It sounds like Alma says if you have ever felt the Holy Ghost about something, and then do the opposite knowingly, that is the very worst thing you can do. I guess the trick comes in the knowing that it is the Holy Ghost you are denying, not just going on faith or belief. But many fall away from the church, or even become atheist, or agnostic, and then repent and come back. So that can’t be denying the Holy Ghost, because that is supposed to be the unpardonable sin. The trick lies in what is “knowledge”.

The Prophet Joseph Smith taught the following about the unpardonable sin: “What must a man do to commit the unpardonable sin? He must receive the Holy Ghost, have the heavens opened unto him, and know God, and then sin against him. After a man has sinned against the Holy Ghost, there is no repentance for him. He has got to say that the sun does not shine while he sees it; he has got to deny Jesus Christ when the heavens have been opened unto him, and to deny the plan of salvation with his eyes open to the truth of it” (in History of the Church, 6:314).

That quote seems to align more with what I have always been taught about it being such a sure knowledge that very few people even could sin against the Holy Ghost because very few people will ever know that surely.

When I look this up, I find that it is not a solely Mormon belief that this is the unpardonable sin. I actually really like this description found here:

“Yes, blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, is any sin that a person clings to by continually resisting the convicting power of the Holy Spirit. Keep in mind that there is not one specific sin that is unforgivable, such as lying, stealing or murder, but rather a perpetual hardening of the heart and willfully sinning against God and man (1 Timothy 4:2; Titus 1:15). In Acts 7:51 Stephen says the following to the Pharisees, "You stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit; as your fathers did, so do you.” In a nutshell the unforgivable, or unpardonable, sin is any sin that a person doesn’t want to give up, confess, or even ask forgiveness for and additionally doesn’t want to hear any more about it from the Holy Spirit.”

This makes so much sense to me, because God can’t forgive us if we won’t repent. When he lets us know something is wrong, through the power of the Holy Ghost, and we don’t care there can be no repentance and no change. And then our heart continue to harden, and we can hear less, and become less and less like God, and more and more in bondage to sin. But you would have to have received the gift of the Holy Ghost, know the plan, know what you were feeling was from God, and then just not care. So it isn’t that you knew the truth once and have been deceived since then or forgotten, but it is that you know the truth now, right then, and don’t choose it. And sticking to that choice to the bitter end. That is really sad, actually.

But then to the question of why specifically sexual sin is then so serious, Jeffrey R. Holland explains:

By assigning such seriousness to a physical appetite so universally bestowed, what is God trying to tell us about its place in His plan for all men and women? I submit to you He is doing precisely that—commenting about the very plan of life itself. Clearly among His greatest concerns regarding mortality are how one gets into this world and how one gets out of it. He has set very strict limits in these matters.

He then says it is so important for 3 reasons:

1. The body is part of the soul, so exploiting someone’s body is exploiting their very soul, the soul that Christ accomplished to atonement to save.
2. It is the ultimate symbol of total union. Can only come with the proximity and permanence of the marriage covenant.
1. I just read a blog written by a woman who had lived with her boyfriend for a long time and had recently gotten married. She was surprised that it did feel different, even though their lives were essentially the same, because of making those promises. It felt more secure and permanent to her. I asked Billy about being away from Jamie while she is gone, if it is different now that they are married than it was when they had to be apart before when they had been living together. He said it was somewhat same old same old, but there was something different about it.
3. Third he says it is a symbol not only between husband and wife, but of their relationship with God. “These are moments when we quite literally unite our will with God’s will, our spirit with His spirit, where communion through the veil becomes very real. At such moments we not only acknowledge His divinity but we quite literally take something of that divinity to ourselves. One aspect of that divinity given to virtually all men and women is the use of His power to create a human body, that wonder of all wonders, a genetically and spiritually unique being never before seen in the history of the world and never to be duplicated again in all the ages of eternity. A child, your child—with eyes and ears and fingers and toes and a future of unspeakable grandeur.”

I wonder if we focused more on teaching the amazing sacredness of sex to our children, if abusing it would be less of temptation. I have always loved this talk, and how it re-frames the question.

Alma 39:5-6

Alma 39:1-4

When Omar blessed Isaiah at his baby blessing, He blessed him to follow the good example of his brother. As an older sibling, I never felt that responsibility to set a good example. It never crossed my mind, but it is something I have prayed Helaman would be aware of since that day. That’s what verse 1 makes me think of.

I also wonder if his brothers were sad that their dad wasn’t going to say more to them. It sounds like Alma is about to die here, and these are his final words. I remember how important everyone’s last conversation with my Aunt Barbie was to each of us. I think they probably didn’t want that council to end. Even if Corianton was going to be chastised, I am sure they all wished for more.

Sometimes we all end up paying more attention to the kids causing the problems, and feeling guilty about it. It’s hard to not make the good kids feel forgotten. Maybe referring to the brother who had made good choices was to include him and recognize the good as well as the bad? I think it speaks well of Corianton that, despite his mistakes, he wasn’t offended and hardened by the comparison, but ends up repenting. I am really bad about not listening when I need to be corrected, but rather getting offended or defensive. I really need to work on being more humble.

Which really ties into verse 2, where the problem he had was boasting about his own strength and wisdom, which I recognize is a problem I have. I may not say it out loud, but I often think it. And as my husband pointed out recently, I don’t even want to talk about decisions I have been made or ever be questioned. I have been feeling very prompted that I am too proud of my own strength and wisdom.

Which I think goes back to continually being drawn out to God in prayer. Because I am probably right sometimes, but I am sure not as much as I think I am. If I was humbling myself and asking for His direction more, would that help me to be more humble in general? And I am sure staying closer to the Spirit would help me listen to other people with more openness and love. And listening.

It is interesting to me that Alma says that the reason Corianton didn’t have an excuse for going after Isabel was that he should have stuck with his responsibilities. It wasn’t that he knew better, though I am sure he did, but if he had being really taking care of the things God had entrusted to him, he wouldn’t have been in trouble. The ministry I have been entrusted with is my family first and foremost, visiting teaching (kind of, if I ever get the assignment) and my primary class. Am I tending to my ministry? I can see how a focus on serving God would keep us from all kinds of trouble. It keeps us focused on His love, and loving other people. That is what we really need to worry about, and not get distracted from. I guess it, again, comes back to where you are focused every day. And that seems to go back to the constantly praying and making sure I stay in the scriptures. As in everything, it is hard not be frustrated with not be perfect about it, but I am doing better, and I can see that it makes a difference. It is always the enduring to the end that gets me, but I will press forward!

Alma 39:1-4

Alma 38:7-15

This part of the chapter is a great example of why personal narrative is so powerful and important. It would be one thing for Alma to tell his son about the Savior and the atonement, but it is a different and more powerful thing to tell about his own experience with it. There are things that you can only know through experience, and a power of testimony that only comes by sharing those experiences. When Mormon is summarizing Alma he never goes into great detail about his sins, which I think is an important example. The only reason to know more would be to satisfy curiosity, which is a base emotion. We can know of his pain at sin and joy from redemption without those details. Which is a relief to know that they don’t need to be shared in order to have an impact.

It is interesting that Alma tells his son to be diligent and temperate in all things. I think that is the answer to being faithful and magnifying your calling without going overboard or becoming a fanatic about anything. Be diligent, be conscientious in everything you do, but also be temperate, or moderate. Life is so much about balance, and I love these two words to describe how we should handle our life.

And then Alma talks about not being prideful again, which has come up a lot as he talks to his sons. When he was giving Helaman the list of things he should teach the people humble came up twice in the same list. And here it is again. Because it is SO easy to forget that anything I know or can do is a gift from God, and should be for his service. It is so easy to compare ourselves to other people. Instead I should wonder why I have been given the gifts I have, how does He want me to use them?

I also need to remember to use boldness by not overbearance. I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in a cause or something that I think it right, that I forget to be loving. I don’t bridle my passions, as he says. People use that to talk about sexual appetites a lot, but I think it is also about being passionate in a cause, or passionately angry. We have to “never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.” That is a really difficult challenge for me; I really want to solve problems at the sacrifice of everything else. I need to focus on loving God’s children, even the ones that are blocking my problem solving!

I think one of the blessings of taking the Sacrament every week is remembering my own unworthiness, like Alma talks about in verse 14. If I really use that opportunity to focus on how much I need the Savior, and all the mistakes I make and ways I could be better, it would turn my heart to Him in gratitude, and help me deal with others with more mercy.

Why does Alma end with “be sober?” Is he afraid his son won’t take it seriously, or is about distraction in less serious pursuits? What do I need to be more sober about?

Alma 38:7-15

Alma 38:1-6

I love verse 2. I want to talk to my kids about this, remaining faithful to the testimonies they are building now. Although I know I need to do more to help with that, especially family scripture study. In October 2014 Richard G. Scott gave a conference talk on priorities, and this has always stuck with me:

“Don’t yield to Satan’s lie that you don’t have time to study the scriptures. Choose to take time to study them. Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep, school, work, television shows, video games, or social media. You may need to reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If so, do it!”

It’s the more important than sleep that jumped out at me at the time, and continues to come back to me. That is always why we don’t read scriptures, because bedtime gets so late. But it is more important than sleep, even school. I have to do better to help them strengthen their testimonies so they will have the grit, and hopefully desire, to really endure to the end. That is always the hard part.

Shiblon was able to bare his difficult trials with patience because the Lord was with him. And the Lord was with him because of his faith and obedience. Patience is what I desperately need all the time, so how can I be more obedient? I think reading scriptures THREE DAYS IN A ROW is a good start to repenting and be more obedient. And I am trying to pray all day, and keep the Lord in my thoughts and always remember Him. And I praying for patience. Now I just need to practice patience waiting to change my heart I suppose.

And I think verse 5 is the answer to my fear and anxiety all the time. I need to be more diligent in putting my trust in God and not being afraid. Sometimes everything that could go wrong in a day feels like the end of the world. But there is nothing that God is not greater than. This story really helped me to see that in a powerful way the other day:

We worry about things from a worldly perspective, but God has a vast eternal perspective as he does his work. I can stop fearing and trust Him as I move forward. All the things that seem so big and aren’t, and even the things that really are big and huge, will all be okay when swallowed up in His infinite wisdom and goodness. There is nothing that He is not bigger than.

I love that in verse 6, Alma is careful to deflect the glory back to God. I tend to feel really excited when I have insights into the world, and feel intellectually superior. But it is never me, it is always by revelation of the mind of God. I don’t know these things of myself, only by the power of the Holy Ghost, and the great mercy of God in allowing me to repent and change course in my life.

Alma 38:1-6

Alma 37:38-47

In verse 39 the way he described the Liahona parallels how I feel about the Book of Mormon. The experiences I have with this book tell me that no man alone could have written it. Moron did write most of it, but the power of inspiration in what he wrote is very apparent to me as I read and feel the Spirit. And there is no way Joseph Smith could have written it, especially in the time-frame of the translation. Much of the foundation of my testimony of the Church rests on the testimony of the Book of Mormon.

With the Liahnoa, it was their faith in the power of God that made it work. Maybe it isn’t just that he book was written by inspiration, but that God’s power can take things and make the work miracles and become more than they are. If I have the faith that God can point me to where I should go through the scriptures and the prophets, then He will. And I believe that, so why is so hard to read every day? Especially because I do desperately desire His direction and intervention. It’s funny how it really all comes back to the simple answers, pray (yesterday’s message for me) and read the scriptures (today’s message).  It really is by small and simple things that God accomplishes his mighty work in us. And I really am often blinded by the simpleness. Which is exactly the point of verses 41 and 42.

The answer is then found in verse 46, we just have to choose not to be slothful, or lazy. Oh how I want to not be slothful! I love how I feel and how close God is when I do those simple things. I am grateful for the reminders, and for the atonement which allows me to keep trying and starting again.

Alma 37:38-47

Alma 37:36-37

Verse 36 describes something I feel like I have struggled with for a long time. We covenant to always remember Christ, and this verse talks about letting all our thoughts be directed unto the Lord. Yet in the everyday business and even monotony of life, I find it very hard to always keep my mind on the Lord. How do I think about laundry, and dishes and homework, showers, and all the other millions of things that fill my day and at the same time also being thinking about God? I know that it would help. If I was truly always remembering it would be so much easier to choose kindness and love and hard work and service in the midst of all those things. I just have never felt very successful at always keeping my thoughts on God. At BYU someone once talked about training your mind to come back to Christ, and that feels like it aligns well with the idea of agency. But I still find it very difficult to train my mind to do that, all these years later. I think that is where the idea of ponderize could be helpful, because it gives you a concrete thing to send your mind back to, instead of the overwhelming idea of God in general.

I also need to be better about counseling with the Lord in all my doings. Last night I was reading an article about 50 ways happier and healthier people live, and the idea of morning, midday and evening prayers really struck me. That author said:

I’ve gotten the best results as my morning prayer and meditation are motivational, my afternoon prayer and meditation are strategic and my evening prayer and meditation are evaluative and educational.

In verse 37 he talks about lying down unto the Lord at night so that he will keep you safe, and then with a prayer of gratitude in the morning. My prayers are never this structured or purposeful, they are random pleading of my freaked and stressed out mind. Would praying this way, or more purposefully in general help with that feeling of frenzy and fear? What would a motivational morning prayer look like? Would it be the same as a prayer of gratitude? What I was grateful for the opportunities before me that day? And would it help always remember Him for me to specifically dedicate my time to the Lord?

As I start each new project in a day, I could counsel with the Lord on what I am doing, and that would help train my mind to return to Him. “Please help me mop the floor well, and feel happy about serving my family instead of frustrated about the constant need to clean.” “Please help me know if this is the best use of my time, or if there is something else I should be doing.” Missionaries pray all day before they do everything they do. And that doesn’t seem weird because they are on the Lord’s errand and need His inspiration and intervention. But if I believe that being a full-time mom and housewife is the Lord’s errand for me right now, that needing to pray over the things I am doing isn’t really any different?

Alma 37:36-37

Alma 37:21-35

I got to the word Gazelem and paused. Who was Gazelem that the Lord gave the stone to? Was it something I had forgotten about? But I have never really looked at it before. So I did a bunch of searches and found that most LDS scholars believe it refers to Joseph Smith. In the Doctrine and Covenants they even used that as his code name so their enemies did not know what they were up to. I kept looking, and I am so glad I did. I found this article which explains about how Hebrew letters have specific meanings, and GZLM when taken together describe the duties of a prophet. It was really cool. It doesn’t change my testimony of the Book of Mormon, which has come through spiritual witnesses, but it is just cool.

Verse 23 also makes me think about what I have been telling the boys about how the Holy Ghost keeps us from being tricked by revealing hidden truth. I feel like the world is very corrupt, and there are all kind of hidden evil works happening all the time. But I am grateful for this promise that the Lord will reveal those things to His people. If I stay close to Him, if I can but listen to the Holy Ghost, I can be protected from being deceived. That is really comforting to my lack of trust and my anxiety. If I could rely on that promise more maybe I could be more trusting and open to people. If I could trust myself to listen better.

In verse 27 Alma warns Helaman to keep the details of the secret combinations private. It seems like an important warning for me as a parent, or teacher, that I can warn of evil without going into details. That I need to keep those details private, because they only lead to curiosity and experimentation. I have a tendency to want to overshare, so I have been very hesitant to share anything in the last few years, and I think that isn’t really a bad thing.

Then Alma tells Helaman what he should teach the people. It was an amazing list, and one that I feel like I should memorize.

• teach them an everlasting hatred against sin and iniquity.
• Preach unto them repentance, and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ;
•  teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart;
•  teach them to withstand every temptation of the devil, with their faith on the Lord Jesus Christ.
• Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.

Alma 37:21-35

Alma 37:18-20

Because the Nephite prophets were diligent in following the word of God, the Lord was able to use their work to convert the Lamenites, and also bless their posterity. Not to mention all the people who the Book of Mormon have brought to a knowledge of the truth.

If what I want is for the Lord to be able to work miracles through me, especially in teaching my children, then, as Alma tells his son Helaman, I need to be diligent in fulfilling the commandments of God. I can’t not read scriptures and not pray and not serve, and then expect the Lord to use me in His work. Alma tells Helaman he needs to be diligent in fulfilling ALL his words, not just some of them. It was a wherefore, like because the prophets had listened God could use them, so you listen and God will use you. That is what I need to do better, and what I needed to hear today. I will be more diligent.

Alma 37:18-20

Alma 37:17

Verse 17 makes me realize the scriptures are a record of God keeping his promises. It is a record of evidence to help us trust the promises he makes to us. Promises that if we rely on Him, and do things His way, that we truly can become like Him and gain all that He has. That if we are obedient, we will be happy. That if we turn to Christ and trust His mercy we really are forgiven when we repent. Is this why reading the scriptures constantly is so important? It reminds us to trust Him. Trust Him that He loves us.

This is what I want for my kids. I want them to know they can trust Him, and have the faith to obey and get the blessings and the joy. What promises has the Lord kept in my life? I need to tell them about it, so they have evidence and can trust that he will fulfill all his promises.

I keep thinking about needing to tell Isaiah about the atonement, and how you can repent when you mess up after being baptized. When I got baptized I remember fighting with my brothers over teeth brushing that night, and my dad telling me I had already blown my perfection. In the September Ensign there was a story about that same thing, but then how he repented and felt just as clean and pure again. Forgiveness is a promise God has definitely kept in my life, and want I need to share with my children.

Alma 37:17

Alma 37:13-16

What sacred things has God entrusted me with?

What consumes my mind lately is overcoming my anger. It is what I pray about and worry about and think about and read about. I feel like in the context of my life currently, the sacred things God has entrusted me with are my children. And through them, if I am trustworthy is this call, he will show forth his power to future generations. I have to stop being angry and treat them as sacred, because they are. As I began reading the inspiration I got about this is that I have to let being kind be more important than whatever I am trying to get done. I have to be willing to sacrifice being on time or getting things done the way I think they have to be in order to be kind. Somehow everything else but loving them has taken on more importance. But they are sacred!

Which makes verse 15 very scary. If I transgress the commandments of God these sacred things shall be taken away from me. It reminds me of the man from the addiction videos who lost his family. But it is true on a more intimate level as well, I will lose their trust and respect and love. I will lose the power to teach them by the Spirit, to help them find God. It is scary, but I know it is real, and I know I have to be calm and more Christ-like in my parenting.

And verse 16 is so hopeful. If I treat my sacred children as the Lord has commanded me, and look to Him always in how to take care of them, nothing can take them away. That is the sealing power of the temple right there. If I keep my covenants and rely on my Savior, if I love them and keep my home a safe haven from evil, if I treat them as the sacred beings they are…and stop being angry….NOTHING can ever take them away, through all eternity.

Which also teaches me something we need to do better in our parenting. We give our kids commandments, like in verse 14, and we teach them about the consequences, like in verse 15, of breaking those rules, but we never focus on the blessings and joy of living the gospel. That is what we need to do better. I am making the mistake of teaching about a mean God on accident, by only focusing on the negative. We need to teach the rewards better. In specific situations. Always

Alma 37:13-16

Alma 37:6-12

Alma is explaining to Helaman about how important the plates and records of the people are for teaching the gospel to the people. And he talks about how they have been preserved by God for His future purposes, and he theorizes what those may be, but then stops and says that He doesn’t really know, but God does and He trusts that. I am grateful that his theorizing and thinking was included. I feel like this is how my mind works in the gospel. I think about things and try to make sense of them. And I feel good about that, like it is okay. But then in the end, I have to remember that they are just my ideas, and they could be only partially right, as Alma was here, or not right at all. But really, in the end I just have to have enough faith to do what God asks, often without really understanding how and why.

I recently was asked to give a talk on Family Prayer, and had this type of experience with the topic. As I pondered and studied I was able to come up with ideas about why it is a blessing for our families to pray together. And I felt good about what I discovered. But there are still things about prayer itself that I don’t fully understand. And that is where my faith that leads to obedience has to take over

Alma 37:6-12

Alma 37:3-5

After Alma gives Helaman the command to keep the plates he explains the importance of what he has commanded. I am sure that helped Helaman want to live up to the command. And it feels like an important lesson to me. As a mom, lots of times I just want to give a command and have it obeyed. I get annoyed with questions about what I have asked. I need to be more patient, and help the boys understand the significance or reason behind what I am asking. It will help me maintain a moral authority, but also help them understand and grow and have buy in to what we are trying to accomplish in our lives. And I really just need to be more patient in general and not so easily annoyed!

Alma 37:3-5

Alma 37:1-2

I am hung up on the word command this morning. Alma didn’t ask his son Helaman to be in charge of the records, he commanded him. Bishop Kim always said ours is a church of assignments, not volunteers. I suppose it is like a calling. But even then, they always ask, not command.

…As I thought about this through the day, I realized as I was putting Helaman to bed that commanded was better than asking because it would help Helaman feel more responsibility to do it. At least it would for me if I was given a command by someone who I felt like had authority over me.

MaryAnn Lewis and I were talking about that during Sunday School. The lesson was about Jesus calling the Pharisees hypocrites and how they did not react well to the correction. The class was talking about how our pride makes it hard for us to receive correction humbly instead of getting angry. Someone making a comment said something to the affect of, “I don’t want to hear the conference talk.” MaryAnn I were talking about how we are less likely to have that reaction to a General Authority because we feel like they are someone who has the right and authority to correct (or command) us.

The nice thing about a command, when it is comes through proper authority, is it is really clear how to act. If you are asked to do something, you have to think about it and worry over a decision. When it is a command, you know exactly what to do and can move forward without waffling.

Alma 37:1-2

Alma 36

The lessons from Alma to Helaman:

Facts

• Keep the commandments and you will prosper (v.1)
•  Remember the Lord delivered your ancestors (v.2)
• Trust God, and He will support you in your trials and save  you at the last day (v.3)
• Some things are known only by the Spirit (v.4)
• I love Alma’s humility here, I don’t know this myself, but the Spirit told me
• It is not because of our worthiness that God loves us and saves us and reveals things to us. It is only because of His mercy and His love. (v.5)

Alma’s personal experience with those facts

• Then Alma uses his personal story to testify of the atonement, which is so powerful and teaches in a way that just listing truths cannot. (v.7-21)
• Being born of God. (v.23)
• He manifested to the people he had been born of God by laboring all of his days to bring people to God. Do I do that? (v.24)
• Blessings come from righteousness, and he has experienced those blessings: joy, support in trials, delivery, peace of knowing you will be with Him in glory. (v.25-28)

Reviews

Alma reviews  the Facts, or take home messages from the beginning at the end again (v.29-30)

There are not only beautiful truth’s in this lesson, but an amazing outline for effectively teaching principles of the gospel. This was an amazing chapter!

Alma 36

Alma 35:11-16

Before all of this happened, the Lamenites and Zoramites were enemies. How does mutual hatred overcome so much? I guess it is similar to Russia and the U.S. as allies in WWII. I think I assign more meaning to relationships sometimes, when they are really about accomplishing a common goal. I know God’s way is love, but it is also important to be wary and protect your responsibilities, be it your country, or in my case, my family.

When Alma saw that the people were beginning to be disobedient and hard-hearted back in the land of Nephi, the first thing he did was gather his children to teach them the gospel and bare testimony to them. He was the leader of the church, and responsible for all of the people, but his priority was still teaching the gospel to his family first. Sometimes it easy to make sure I take care of other responsibilities, to other people, but let things like family scripture study and family home evening slide. I need to be more deliberate in my mothering. I haven’t been putting though and planning in to teaching my children lately, but just kind of clawing my way through each moment as it comes. There are so many things taking up my thoughts and emotional energy with the move and how busy things have been, that I really need to refocus on my first priorities.

Alma 35:11-16

Alma 35:10-14

It stands out to me as significant the Ammonites moved out of their land so that the Nephite armies could move in to make war with the Lamenites. They really sacrificed to help people who needed it. And I love that the Nephites moved the Ammonites to a different land and defended them, supporting them in keeping their covenant not to fight. I can see people now, I can see myself now, saying that they were being overzealous and should defend themselves. This is ironic because one of the reasons we gave Helaman his name was that Helaman in the Book of Mormon was a prophet who helped people be covenant keepers. It makes me think about my grumpy attitude about things again. I want to be softer.

It is also important to me that Mormon says Alma and Ammon and their crew returned to Zarahemla having been instruments in the hand of God to bring people to repentance. It is funny how things are a matter of perspective. He didn’t say they had returned having started a war. And really, it wasn’t their choices that started the war, but sometimes it feels like I am responsible for other people’s choices in ways that are paralyzing. I need to be more faithful, less fearful, and really just focus on doing God’s work. His work will go forward, and cannot be stopped, even by tragedies and wars and anger. Nothing else really matters.

This also means that I should not stay up late working on things that keep my family from doing scriptures study and talking about their day and the gospel. Nothing is more important. 

Alma 35:10-14

Alma 35:8-9

What made the people of Ammon so generous and brave? When the leader of the Zoramites was threatening them for taking care of the people they had cast out (which, seriously, why did he care?) it would have been so easy for them to justify their family’s safety as a reason to not get involved. But they weren’t afraid. And they took care of them, and fed them and gave them homes. This is hard for me to do when I see want around me, because I am afraid. I am afraid of crazy people and afraid of not having enough for my family.

One time in Relief Society someone had a quote about never being worse off because of generosity. But then there is the idea of all things being done in order. Sometimes I don’t know how to reconcile it all. I guess it goes back to Elder Holland’s conference talk about praying to know, individually, what we are supposed to do. That is the advice I give others all the time, but somehow it is hard in my own life.

As I think about what made the Ammonites so brave and so generous, I think it was their familiarity with the atonement. They had sacrificed a lot to believe, but they really believed, and lived that hope and faith. You couldn’t be a fence sitter and kneel to be slaughtered rather than fight. I want that kind of faith, and I am afraid of letting go of my pride and doubt enough to have that kind of faith. But I know, it is the little choices, like reading scriptures and taking time to ponder these things that, slowly, over a long time, have changed me, and will keep changing me.

Alma 35:8-9

Alma 35:1-7

It is remarkable to me how merciful God was to the believers of the Zoramites. Because the leaders were sneaky and wicked, those who believed who may not have been valiant enough to say they believed under different circumstances, still got cast out, and therefore saved from destruction. It probably felt like a horrible day when they got rounded up and sent away, like a huge trial. But God was really saving them from the destruction that was coming to the rest of the Zoramites. I know God loves me, and works for good in my life. I wonder how often the hard horrible things that happen are really God’s tender mercies in my life. I think it goes again to the not complaining, but moving forward with peace and trust that I keep feeling like is something important I need to work on.

Alma 35:1-7

Alma 34:18-41

I am really confused by prayer. Alma is talking about praying about all of your life, and asking for diving intervention and prosperity. But then my understanding of prayer has been that it is really about coming to know God’s will, and conforming myself to it. I don’t’ quite know how to get my head around it. And when people don’t pray, and they prosper in a worldly sense, is that still coming from God? I know everything comes from Him, I just don’t understand the relationship with prayer. Maybe it is just to keep us remembering that it all really does come from Him. Asking for help is a way of remembering and being grateful?

And then Alma tells us that praying doesn’t do us any good if we don’t take care of each other and have charity. It reminds me of Debb’s talk yesterday, about how the only true way to check our level of discipleship is how we think about other people—if we see them as Christ does, and children of God, and love them. Is Alma’s point here really about true religion? Praying is supposed to bring us closer to God, but if we only talk to Him, and then do nothing good, we aren’t really progressing. He talks about praying to ask for mercy and salvation. Salvation is really repentance, and changing our natures. It seems like the point is focusing on loving people as the thrust or point of that change. We still have to be participants in the work of building ourselves by choosing to act in love to the people around us everywhere.

Sometimes it feels like anything short of Mother Theresa’s vow of poverty and lifetime of continuous service is the only acceptable path. I know it can’t be, but I can’t feel the balance.

I love that in verse 31 Alma is very clear that as soon as you repent and soften your heart the plan of redemption works immediately in your life. The idea of already being saved is so comforting and important, and so often lost.

I also love his talk about why repenting after you die doesn’t work. You will still be yourself, and repentance is change. It is a slow and hard process. Who you are in the moment you die is still who you are wherever you Spirit goes, and if I have been stubborn and prideful, and that has kept me from repenting, I will still feel the same. It is so hard to change, and the more progress I can make now, the happier I will be now, and the happier I will be then.

In verse 36 it stands out to me as important that the righteous in the kingdom of God are those whose garments are made white in the blood of the Lamb. It isn’t because of the perfection they have personally obtained, it is because they are in the covenant and holding on to Him. Sometimes, okay, a lot, I feel like I am more righteous than others, but that can never be the case. I am just as dependent on the Savior’s grace as anyone else. It is only my pride that ever tells me otherwise.

His call to “humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you” feels like a very personal invitation. I want to be more humble and grateful and worshipful. I know that is what I need. And then he tells us to have patience, and bear with all manner of afflictions. Pride, impatience, whining…. So many things I need to do better. This reminds me of the challenge not to complain for a day. I felt like I needed to do it, and I am grateful for the reminder.

Alma 34:18-41