Alma 58:4-11

It was months of near starvation and worry before God spoke peace to their souls. I read an article yesterday about how sadness is good for us, and it is our struggles that bring us close to God, so we shouldn’t be afraid of them. Omar and I have been talking about that a lot this week, too, as Isaiah keeps getting hurt and then won’t let us help him because he is afraid or care will hurt. He feels like any pain is the worst possible outcome, but we know that it is not, and have to try and help him see that. Then last night I had a really vivid dream about being a missionary and Elder Eyring came to our mission. I know we were doing some time of service, I am not sure what anymore, but he said that the work moves forward among the poor and troubled because happy people are not looking for a solution. I know that we are refined by fire in this life, and I have personally experienced that change that comes from suffering. When things are at their worst I pray so hard and sincerely for relief and comfort. It has never been my experience to have to wait for that comfort to come, to have to feel like I am walking through my trials alone. Even when my troubles don’t disappear, the comfort always comes. But here it did not come immediately, and I am sure those months felt long. I remember when Omar had that experience what a heavy burden it felt like alone, and how painful it was for him. I don’t know why sometimes God withholds his assurances. It is so hard to even watch. But I do trust His perfect goodness, that somehow that pain that He allows is best. But sometimes best is so very hard.

The idea of trust has come up for me several times this past week, also. As I prepared my sharing time lesson for Senior Primary I turned to the Come Follow Me lessons and found this talk by Carole M. Stephens, If Ye Love Me, Keep My Commandments. She talks about how trust is a principle that keeps us on the right path. We have to trust in God’s love, and Christ’s atonement and trust the promptings of the Holy Ghost. It keeps coming back to my mind, and was one of the things I shared with the kids yesterday. And when we were trying to help Isaiah, I had to help him trust me and my love, so that he would let me care for him in ways that were important, but scared him. Is faith really an exercise of trust? Probably sometimes.

Alma 58:4-11

Alma 58:1-3

I just realized that it is significant that the Book of Mormon is always talking about how the Lamenite armies were so much bigger than their own. In the last days God’s kingdom will always be a small part of the world, always arrayed against a larger and seemingly more powerful foe. But as the Nephites trusted in Him, they always came out victorious. It is a lesson of hope for us in the latter days. God will conquer, God’s army will prevail. We just have to choose to be on His side, no matter what the numbers look like.

Faced with the greater army, it was very important to maintain the ground they had already gained. Which could be analogous to our own personal testimonies like Jeffrey R. Holland’s conference talk, Lord, I believe. It also feels like it is about keeping our homes and our families strong. Sometimes it is so easy to get distracted by all the things going on outside my home, good and bad, that I forget how important it is to spend my energy strengthening and protecting it. Missionary work is good, there truly are battle to be fought, but they can’t be at the expense of the things I have to protect at home. Other concerns can’t take my energy and focus and time to the detriment of maintaining my current strong holds.

Alma 58:1-3

Alma 57

I can’t get over how many people keep dying. War is awful. What made the Lamenites keep fighting in the face of so much horror? They were not fighting for their freedom and safety. They could just go home. Is this a case of the misplaced enmity my dad talks about? It seems like now the aggressors in these types of battle always have to convince their soldiers they are fighting a holy war. It makes me sad that people can get so deceived, and have their hearts so hardened against the truth.

Alma 57

Alma 56

It is interesting to me that when Helaman was describing these boys that he had led and loved he didn’t call them Lamanites, but took them time to describe them as descendants of Laman, the eldest son of our father Lehi. At this point the Lamenites were enemies, and calling them that would have meant something different. Because he loved them he wasn’t lumping them into a despised cultural group. It makes me wonder if using those types of descriptions to describe people, Mexican, Asian, or whatever, can ever by loving, or if it is always lazy and a laced with prejudice.

I am always amazed at Helaman’s faith that the Lord with strengthen them because they kept their covenants. He believed in that they would be temporally better off by keeping those spiritual promises, even though from a worldly perspective it made no sense. Faith doesn’t have to make sense because our vision of what is right or possible is so limited compared to God’s. I need to learn to better trust his expansive vision. Why is trust, even of God, so difficult for me?

Helaman’s consolation over the men lost to war, that they died in the cause of their country and their God and are happy, feels very timely today. Bruce Bowling’s death makes me very sad, and I know it is a million times harder for his family. But if ever there was a way to die in the service of your God, it is surely doing things to prepare to serve another mission. And I know he is happy. He was always happy, but he is now full of joy. The human capacity to feel joy and peace and sorrow and so many feelings at the same time is amazing. The depth of human experience is complicated and convoluted. How can we ever judge another’s intentions or feelings when our own so often seem unknowable?

The 2000 warriors would have been a blessing even if they never fought, just because the exhausted men were not attacked by the Lamenties who feared their arrival. The army they came to strengthen was depressed and ready to make their last futile stand, and their arrival afforded them a reprieve, and gave them a chance to gather courage, strength, and hope. Sometimes I hesitate to serve, because I am not sure what I could really offer in some circumstances. But perhaps it is just the strength in numbers that is needed sometimes. Maybe just being there is enough.

I love that Helaman recognizes the hand of the Lord gratefully is the things that happen. That is a great question in my mind, how much and why does the Lord interfere in the affairs of men. How much of what happens is just the result of a fallen world and use of agency?

It had to have taken so much courage for them to march out and bait the strongest army of the Lamenites. I can’t even imagine. So much faith!

The thought of Antipus and his men hurrying behind the Lamenites trying to save the young men, makes me want to cry today. I can imagine their exhaustion, but the need to protect the youth and not let them down driving them onward. It is a feeling I recognize in the adults around the youth and children I am exposed to every day. I am always so moved when they catch the Lamenties and stop their pursuit of Helaman’s boys. And their great slaughter breaks my heart. I know that Helaman and his stripling warriors were heros here, especially when the vote to turn and fight, but Antipus and his men and their sacrifice truly touch me, and inspire me love bigger and bolder.

The scripture about how their mother’s had taught them that if they did not doubt God would deliver them always give me cause to pause and reflect. Could I teach my sons that? Eternally, yes, but I don’t know about here on earth. So many good men die in war. Had the mothers received special confirmation that this was so? Or is my faith just so severely lacking that this should be an obvious truth that he would protect them, but I just don’t see? I think it must have been specific revelation. Because even in this war good men died serving God. Helaman had just written that very thing to Moroni. Maybe the lesson is more about faith in your personal revelations than it is about faith in general. Even Helaman, because it was not his revelation, thought that a great many of his soldiers were going to have been slain. But none of them were.

When Helaman talks about the faith and power of his boys, I always feel so proud of them, which must be because of his pride in them as he writes. You can feel his love and awe through his words. I hear the song “rise up, oh men of God” in my head and want to be braver and stronger because they were so brave and strong. And I want to teach my boys to be this kind of men.

Alma 56

Alma 55

I think the Lamenites were so easily deceived by Laman and his wine because he was telling them what they wanted to hear. It is something to be careful of. It is also another cautionary tale about drinking. And I love the Moroni could have slaughtered all the gaurds and freed his people, but didn’t. He came up with a plan that would result in the least amount of killing as possible. A good lesson on always maintaining your value, even in extreme circumstances.

But then you get to the part about making the Lamenite prisoners try their wine before they drank in case it was poisoned. That part always twinges my heart.

Mostly I think the lesson today is doing the right thing, what Jesus would do, no matter what circumstances I find myself in. Sometimes it is the littlest problems, like being late, that make it feel okay to yell or be unkind. But the answer is always making the right choice. Loving people to the full extent of my ability no matter who they are or what choices they are making.

Alma 55

Alma 54

Why did Moroni start his epistle with calling Amaron out for his wickedness and telling him he was going to hell unless he repented. And then it wasn’t even a loving call to repentance, because he followed that with saying he knew he would reject it. It is interesting to me, though, that Moroni wasn’t wishing for Amaron and his brother to go to hell. He still saw repentance as an option for them if they were willing to take it. The imperfect human reaction, like being cut off is hoping someone crashes. But Moroni wasn’t hoping they would go to hell, just recognizing the reality if they didn’t change their path. Although he does call him a child of hell.

I always assumed Amaron was talking about the government being robbed from the Lamenites, because I thought he was responding to Moroni’s allusion in his letter. However, it makes more sense that he is talking about the king-men, here. Amalikiah though he should have been the Nephite king, is that who Amaron thinks was robbed?

It is interesting that Amaron rejects the idea of obedience as a requirement for God’s protection and blessings. He isn’t sure there is a God, but if there is, says he made us as well as you, which Moroni would have agreed with, if they were having a real conversation. The thing that Amaron, and people today don’t want to acknowledge, is that God requires anything of us. God is a God of love, but that love desires our growth and progression. Just like the love of earthly parents truly requires them to set boundaries and make rules for the protection and progression of their children.

It always strikes me how much pain Amaron is feeling at the loss of his brother. It comes through so clearly in his return letter, especially in his response to Mornoi’s hinting that he has gone to hell.

Oh, wait, I was wrong, Amaron claims that the war is for the Lamenites to reclaim their rights of government. It is a strange claim, since the Nephites never tried to rule over the Lamenites, they just left. It is a strange idea to think that you get to force people to be your subjects, though I suppose that is the way most of the world has worked throughout history, and even a lot of it today. It makes me grateful to live in a free country, with grand ideas of democracy and self-determination. It also makes me think about my right to “rule” in my family. I often want to rule by force, but that doesn’t feel like the best way. Just the easiest.

Alma 54