Alma 44:16-24

I wonder if I would have been one of the Lamanite soldiers to leave in peace, or stay and get more riled up to fight. I am afraid I would be one who was in the fight to the death, because I struggle so much with anger and pride and not backing down.

Was it okay that Moroni was angry?

Once the people were getting slaughtered, Zaraheman was willing to make the covenant of peace Moroni had offered originally. There was such a huge cost and no gain because of his anger and pride and stubbornness. I can see that is the case with me a lot of the time, too. I get so angry and entrenched I end up saying this I don’t even mean, and taking a more extreme position than I really feel. And it causes wounds that never needed to be, and are hard to fix.

Again, though, here is an example of Moroni being a man of his word. Even though he was angry, he didn’t let that control his actions. Once the Lamanites were ready to stop fighting he stopped and let them go. His anger didn’t control his choices I guess. So what makes it possible for Moroni to keep seeing the big picture? What do I need to do differently to be more like him? I need to ponder and pray about this.

Alma 44:16-24

Alma 44:1-15

At first I could see a parallel between the Lamenites killing the Nephites because of their faith in Christ and what ISIS and other terror groups are doing in the world now. Except the thing that is different is that ISIS isn’t just trying to destroy our faith, but make everyone believe what they believe. Did the Lamenites have any religion? Did they believe anything? And if not, what about the Nephites believing made them so angry? Especially when they lived in separate lands, it seems like it wouldn’t have really affected them. I wonder if the fact that it was their king that converted and left to the Nephites made them so much angrier.  I guess, is it really that different from all the times we get mad about things just because we think they are stupid. Our family really does that a lot, where things that seem dumb are worth hating. The Lamenites thought the Nephite beliefs were stupid, and that made them angry. It makes me think about Christ talking about the higher law, where anger is like murder. (Which is really hard for me to hear when I spend so much time in my life angry, especially at people I would never want to hurt let alone kill).

I was actually thinking about this at church yesterday, how attitude affects an experience so much. Why is it so hard for my family to just not be cynical about things? It is always easy to find things to criticize and mock, but I know that when I look at a situation from outside of it, we are missing out on opportunities for joy. Is it a vulnerability issue? We just don’t “lean in” to the experiences that are happening, but remain aloof and apart to some extent. And because that is the culture we have built in our family, it is really difficult to change.

In either The Crucible of Doubt or The God Who Weeps, the Givens talk about how our agency is full in this life, and belief is completely a matter of choice. Moroni and Zarahemna could both look at the situation and find entirely different explanations, Moroni attributing his army’s success to God and Zarahemna seeing it as only due to their cunning and armor. They talk in the book about how in this world the arguments for or against belief are equally persuasive, which is what gives us the real option to choose, and our choice ends up being based on who we are at the deepest level. That idea was very freeing to me. My choice to believe doesn’t have to be based on disproving the arguments for not believing. I get to make a choice between the options.

It is interesting to me, however, that Zarahemna didn’t just lie and make the oath he didn’t intend to keep. I noticed that years ago when reading about Nephi trusting Zoram as soon as he made an oath to stay with them. Was it just a more honest time? I feel like I hardy trust anyone now. Is that me, or is this somehow a different time or culture?

It also took a lot of honor and courage for Moroni to not back down when Zarahemna rejected his offer. War is awful now, and I am sure was awful then. I know they had to have been anxious to end the conflict, but he stuck to what he had said. I have been working on sticking to my word with kids since I received that impression so strongly a little while ago. And this section feels like a re-affirmation of how important that is. Again, I feel like I need to carefully consider my words before I talk and then stick to them, even though sometimes it is very hard to see them sad about consequences. I need to give them that structure, but also to be a woman of honor, who is known to do what she says she will do.

It is interesting that once their leader fled many of the Lamenites were willing to throw down their weapons and make the covenant of peace. Isaiah and I were talking about that from the Book of Mormon this morning, how Mosiah didn’t want the people to have a king anymore because of the damage a wicked leader can do. It is something to remember more carefully as a mother, and in other leadership positions. If I am leading us astray, that is a big responsibility. I need to be more mindful and deliberate in the decisions and make and the things I say.

Alma 44:1-15

Alma 43:34-54

I know it is good that the Nephites were winning this war, but reading about lots of Lamenites being slaughtered makes me feel sad. It would be interesting to read the history of this people from the perspective of the Lamenites. They were still complex human children of God dying. War sucks. It had to be so terrifying for the Lamenite army to think they were fleeing the battle and then to just be getting met by Moroni’s army everywhere they tried to turn. Was it hard for the Moroni’s men to wait while Lehi’s men battled? I know it is often hard for me to wait and think something is not my fight, or I should wait until the right time to get involved. I am very impatient and want to make everything happen “right now” all the time. As a mom, I want to teach and correct my kids and have that change everything right then. I want to protect them from the consequences of their mistakes, but sometimes I am sure it is more effective to watch the battle and come in when it is the right time to help. I know our struggles in this life teach us and make us stronger, but sometimes it is so hard to allow other people to struggle. I guess it comes back to the idea of living deliberately, instead of just reacting. I need to counsel with the Lord and then take action with direction and purpose instead of just reacting.

Once the Lamenites knew they were trapped they became even more ferocious. Mormon attributes it to their evil leaders, and I am sure that is true, but I think it is also human nature. Even when you try to trap someone with words, just on a position they may not even care about that much, they become entrenched and fight harder. I wonder if there was a different way to go that would have caused less fatality among the Nephites and still been a victory?

And yet, even if they did it wrong, because they were on God’s side they were still able to prevail. They were inspired by a better cause. Sometimes I feel like only the perfect plan will work, or only if nothing goes wrong at all will things turn out as they should. This leads me to be really fearful and controlling and anxious a lot of the time. I need to trust that when I am on the Lord’s side, even imperfect actions can result in the right end.

In the moment that the Nephites cried to God they were able to stand with power against the Lamenites. That’s been my experience, as well. His infinite perfection covers our imperfection and sanctifies our efforts and lives. He changes everything when we turn to Him.

Moroni was amazing here. He didn’t get caught up in blood lust, and he didn’t get caught up in the thrill of competition and winning. The moment he thought there was a chance to be safe without killing anyone else, he stopped everything. It is hard not to get caught in the thrill of winning and competition. He must have had so much humility.

Alma 43:34-54 

Alma 43:27-33

As I was reading yesterday I was thinking that Moroni thinking it was no sin to use strategy in the war because his cause was righteous, I tried to think of how that had modern application in the war against sin. Yesterday I thought of the PR department at church, and how sometimes the business and PR end of things feels weird, but maybe it is just people doing everything they can in the fight against Satan. However, today what it made me think as I reread it is that we have to be conscience in our fight. We have to have a plan, and be thinking about how we are going to win the fight for our souls and the souls of our family. We can’t just go through life with no though or preparation and hope that it is enough. So reading scriptures, and praying, and going to church, and seeking revelation, and DOING IT all become even so much more important. We have to be deliberate in our lives.

Alma 43:27-33

Alma 43:1-26

Alma must have been pretty hold here, and probably supposed to be retired since Mormon mentions that he “could not rest” and went back out to preach. It reminds me of grandpas. They never wanted to stop working and doing things, Grandpa Don living way beyond when he was supposed to so he could do extraction, and Grandpa Bill who kept working outside even if it meant falling and waiting for someone to find him. That simple phrase makes my heart feel so full, and miss them so much. Sadly, I don’t think that would describe me, I am not always so “anxiously engaged,” but definitely like a good rest.

Verse 2 feels like a scripture I should share with Greta when I write to her this morning.

I am always amazed by the Nephites willingness to protect the people of Ammon. Why were they willing to fight and die for them? Why were they willing to give them land? Why did they have so much respect for the covenant the people had made not to fight, even when it didn’t make any worldly sense anymore? The land and protection reminds me of the refugees from the Middle East right now. It makes me sad that some people are so unwillingly to help. We worry that it might put us in harm, the reason I often don’t help. But helping the people of Ammon did the put the Nephites in harm’s way almost immediately. In my heart, I wish I was much braver, or had more faith, about helping. But in the case of the refugees, if my vote counts, it will be a vote to help and protect and love.

It is interesting what a big difference the Nephite armor made, that the Lamenites were scared even though they had the larger army. And they were right to be scared. One of the boys put their “armor of God” poster on the mirror in their bedroom this week. I felt like then, and I feel like as I read this now, that I need to do better about arming my children for the battles they must fight every day. Watching Elf for Family Night last night was fun, but was it the best use of that time we have together? What can I do more to help them be protected?

The Lamenites fled when they saw they armor, but they didn’t give up the attack, they just tried a weaker part of the land. Because Moroni asked the prophet, they were able to strengthen the weak part in time and be protected. If this life is our war, there are so many parallels here. It reminds me of the scriptures in Ether 12:27:

And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Moroni went to the Lord to know what to do, was shown his people’s weakness and was able to make it strong because the Lord had helped them. I can see the Satan is constantly attacking me, and when I feel proud of the my strength in resisting him, he gets me where I am weak. It is so important to keep asking Heavenly Father for help and strength, and to know what my weaknesses are so I can strengthen them. This is something I can teach my kids to help them be armored.

It also strikes me as important here that Moroni did not just pray and ask God himself, but also trusted the prophet who had been sent to give the mind of the Lord to His people. Another protection for us is to trust the counsel of the prophet whose job it is to provide that protection and guidance in this war. Right now, I feel like that is doing better about keeping the Sabbath day holy. What do we need to do to follow better?

Alma 43:1-26

Alma 42:12-31

I wonder why no unclean thing can be in the presence of God? Alma sites justice as the reason for being cut off from God forever, but justice is only the application of predetermined consequences in my mind. When I look up the definition of justice, it is just the quality of righteousness of something. So Alma is really saying that because of God’s righteousness we would be cut off, and if he stopped being righteous he would stop being God, which makes more sense to me. That makes it easier to align with the idea that this life is one where we use our agency to decide what we love and really want for eternity. So what Alma is saying is that God does not take away that choice? My mind tends to go to the punishment and reward definition of everything, and I spent a lot of my life understanding the gospel that way. But I have learned that is a way oversimplification and worldly view. It is hard to change my assumptions about the meaning of scriptures and words, or even recognize that I am making those assumptions (grateful for the thoughts about that from this talk today). Although Alma does talk in specific terms of punishment, but I feel like those are the words he has to try and describe a bigger concept.

In the bigger context, then, laws are given so that we have parameters to choose from. We had to know what choosing God and Eternal Life looked like. Commandments and laws teach us how He is and how we can become like Him. They are just a help for us to reach our goals, if our goals are righteous. Without laws to choose to obey or not, there is not choice to make, and we could not exercise our agency in any way that was meaningful, because we would have no understanding. For there to actually be growth from choices, there has to be conscious choice.

And the atonement allows us to keep choosing again. We choose wrong and regret it, and Christ gave us the option to remake that choice. How great is the mercy of our God, and love of our Savior!

Alma 42:12-31

Alma 42:1-12

We talk about this life being a test a lot. Which I think can get confusing and sound punitive and different than God’s real intention and plan. A test is usually used to determine a level of accomplishment, something to be measured against to determine where you are. But God doesn’t need to determine how good or obedient we are, He already knows. It makes the idea of test confusing to me. Alma says that it is a time given to us to repent, but that only makes sense once we have sinned. Does that mean we were sent here to sin? We all, do, and God knew we all would. It feels like a failure when we do. But, similarly to the necessity of Adam and Eve’s transgression, maybe it really is the point of why we are. Because we couldn’t know the sweet without the bitter. We can’t fully choose God without ever having experienced being without Him. It casts the experience of mistakes, my own and the people around me, in a totally different light. Sometimes it feels like everything depends on nothing going wrong, but maybe everything really depends on stuff going wrong. How can I remember than when I am so frustrated with myself? Or with my family? It must be part of always remembering Him to be able to view mistakes always in light of the atonement.

The cherubim and flaming sword to guard the tree of life is mysterious to me. First of all, what do those really mean? And is the tree of life still on the earth? It seems like the Garden of Eden, where it was located, is not, so once they were cast out why did it need to be guarded? Was it an actual fruit you could eat and live forever? And why is death important to our salvation? What would have changed if Adam and Eve had eaten it?

The way Alma talks about how they would have been immediately and forever miserable without the atonement reminds me of The Need for a Savior movie the church put out this Christmas. 

Alma 42:1-12

Alma 41:8-15

Verse 8 starts with the decrees of God are unalterable. What a blessing that we can always trust Him to keep His word. It gives a sense of peace and calm, that I think is what is missing in my parenting. I give in to arguing and whining, and I think I am being loving. But it doesn’t add peace to our home, or give my kids a sense of stability. I need to speak more slowly, with more thought, and then stick with what I say.

The way Alma talks about restoration I think sometimes confuses me. I have spent a lot of my life caught up in the idea of crime and punishment, focused on details of restoring good for good and bad for bad. It took a long time for me to understand that the whole idea of the gospel is about becoming. It is mostly that when we die we will still be ourselves, nothing really changes. So we will still be who we have chosen to become, and the peace and joy in our life that comes from trusting God will be the same peace and joy there, just a greater measure because of greater certainty. And maybe Alma is really clearly saying that, but I spent a lot of my life in the gospel not understanding that.

Alma 41:8-15

Alma 41:1-7

I have been reading a lot about proof texting lately, where you just take certain scriptures out of the context of the whole to make a particular point. People talk about it in terms of terrorism, and extreme Islam, how they only use particular scriptures from the Quran to justify their atrocities. But it also happens in our church, not for terrorism, but to prove a point that may not necessarily be true. It reminds me of my philosophy class when we learned about the philosophes, who would get paid to use logic to argue any point, true or not. And we do talk about individual scripture verses a lot, taken out of the whole to learn something. And sometimes I think it is “wresting” the scriptures, as Alma says in verse 1, and it can lead us astray. I think the answer to avoiding that problem is found in 2 Nephi 9:29 where he tells us to be learned is good if we hearken to the counsels of God. We have to rely on the Holy Ghost and not just our own figuring and philosophizing and understanding to know if what we think it means is really what it means. And that makes personal revelation even more critical, even when we have resources to read or hear the word of God, without the Holy Ghost and revelation, we can’t really ever understand the things of God.

I remember in my Book of Mormon class at BYU the teacher pointing out how important it was that we are judged not only by our works but also our intentions, as Alma points out in verse 3. There is a big philosophical discussion about if outcome or intent is more important. I am grateful to have come to understand that what God wants from us is not a checklist of behavior, but a becoming. It is about our hearts changing and reaching for Him and trying to be like Him. It is possible to do good things for really bad and selfish reasons. In fact, I think for most of us our motivations are usually a mixture of pure and worldly. In the case where our motivations are bad, but the outcome is good, it makes sense that we are judged according to our intent, because that shows where our heart really lies. It is also possible to have terrible outcomes from truly pure intentions. And how merciful and loving is our God who looks at our hearts and understands. I love in verse 6 how he describes it as having desired righteousness. When I am feeling like I am failing at being righteous, the Lord often comforts me by letting me know that he appreciates that I desire to be righteous, and that if I keep trying, that is enough.

Alma 41:1-7

Alma 40:11-26

With our without the idea of eternity, the state of righteous souls at death sounds amazing. It is that idea we always talk about, wanting even just one day of peace and rest from all care and sorrow. It makes me feel happy when I think about those who I love that have died to just be so unburdened and peaceful and happy. What a beautiful perspective on death.

The description of the wicked souls in hell sounds a lot like what guilt feels like now. That fear and misery about your choices. Until the time of resurrection is a lot of suffering. That would be very difficult to bare. Especially without the hope of repentance.

Was the resurrection at the time of Christ’s resurrection only the righteous?

I always wonder about what a bodies proper and perfect frame will be. The choices we make about what to do with our bodies have spiritual consequences, and I know we will keep those consequences, but will we keep no physical consequences of our choices? I guess does it matter? Does it mean everyone’s eyes will be perfectly spaced, and bodies symmetrical and beautiful, or will our standard of perfect be completely different?

We talk about people who are righteous in this life having a shining countenance. And we talk about God as light. Here Alma talks about the righteous shining in the kingdom of God. I wonder what the relationship between good, or God, and light really is. Is it just symbolic, or more concrete than that?

Overall, the point is that righteousness bring peace. I definitely was not feeling peaceful trying to get the kids ready for school this morning until I calmed down and stopped yelling. I am really grateful for the Spiritual reminders that I need to not yell. If peace is what I want in my home, then I need to make better choices.

Alma 40:11-26 

Alma 40:1-10

It is interesting that Corianton’s mind was concerned about the resurrection of the dead. I wonder if part of the reasons for his choices was that he hadn’t really had a testimony of the gospel to this point. It sounds like he still had doubts and questions. I love how he talks about how the timing of things doesn’t really matter, because it is all one day to God and time is only measure unto men. That is what I keep thinking about with the children of gay parents not being able to be baptized. I am sure it will cause heartache for some people, and a delay of blessings is always hard. But if we could see things the way God sees them the waiting time is no time at all. It is really nothing because to God there is no time. It is hard to get my head around, but also very reassuring at the same time.

I love that Alma gets into the mysteries of the kingdom. What happens to the soul between death and resurrection doesn’t matter for his eternal salvation, but God wants us to be curious and want to understand everything. It is fine to want to know what we don’t know. He inquired of God with enough faith to receive angelic visitations. What an amazing thing that we can so simply know these same mysteries because they are contained in the scriptures. The only effort required is to read and notice. We really do live in an amazing time.

Alma 40:1-10